Five Reasons To Skip Seeing “Quantum Of Solace” In Theaters

We were big ol’ fans of “Casino Royale,” the last Bond flick, and the first starring the delectable Daniel Craig, another Frisky favorite. So when “Quantum of Solace” came out this weekend, we were extremely excited to see if their action-packed “boys” film would rock our chick flick hearts the way “Casino Royale” did. Sadly, it FAILED. After the jump, five reasons why you should save it for your Netflix queue.

  1. No Gratuitous Chest-Baring: The first rule in making an action film that women will like is to exploit the hotness of your male star. “Quantum of Solace” misses this completely, and after seeing Craig parade around in those teeny tiny blue swimming trunks and get flogged nekkid in “Casino Royale,” it’s a disappointment that the only bare skin we see is the briefest flash when he opens his door with no shirt on.
  2. Bond Gets Very Little Action: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know Bond is recovering from the heartbreaking death of his beloved Vector Vesper. But Bond is a ladies man! He should get back up on that horse and get to some serious screwing! Instead, in “Quantum,” the most sexy time Bond gets is a little from behind caress and a chaste kiss.
  3. His Suit Sees Very Little Action Too: Unlike “Casino Royale,” where Bond spent a good amount of time in a hot tux, “Quantum” gives us very little debonair swankiness. Sure, we love the rough, mean, bitter Bond too — but we like him looking suave too.
  4. All Anger, No Charm: Where were Bond’s typically sexy quips? James didn’t take a break from all the brooding and beatings to show us his ability to charm the ladies, and the enemy, with his verbal skills. We get it — he’s a brutish bad ass!
  5. If We Wanted To See “Mission Impossible”…: We would have, only we didn’t want to see “Mission Impossible” and Tom Cruise’s lameness, so we skipped that crap when it came out the first time. All of “Quantum”‘s car chases, boat chases, car explosions, and boat explosions made this movie all action and no sexy substance.