Ask The Astrosexologist: Has My Marriage Just Lost Its Steam?

“Life is too short for the marriage I have. I love my husband dearly — we’ve been together for 10 years and we have three kids, but we’ve had many troubles over the years. He causes some terrible financial messes and never learns from them. He also cheats — mainly cyber, but possibly for real. No matter how much proof I see, he denies it all. It’s terribly frustrating for me. I adore sex, have a head full of fantasies I feel I never get to share, let alone do. He won’t flirt with me, but he flirts with other women. No efforts are made to seduce me, no birthday presents, no dirty talk, he won’t tell me what turns him on and he never asks me what I want. I feel like I’m just a friend, a frumpy housewife and not his lover. I’m not even 30 yet and I feel my life as a sexy woman is totally over. It’s driving me insane. What do I do?! (I was born 16th of January 16, 1979 at 5:10pm in Chelmsford, Essex, U.K. He was born October 4, 1974 in Chelmsford, Essex, UK.)” – Husband Trouble Yikes! This is serious business, with the possible cheating, the financial disasters and three kids all in the mix — this is a job for a marriage counselor to help out …but, of course, I can’t resist putting in my two cents and since you asked, here is it is…

Looking at your chart, the first thing that stood out is that everything is at the bottom, which is a classic indication that you’re a bottom too. Your tendency is to bottle up your feelings. Plus, mixed with the fact that you’re a Capricorn, with Mercury and Mars in Capricorn too, all in your sixth house (the service house), with a moon in Virgo (the sign of the server), you tend to take on the role of the server. To me this means one thing — you’re not as obvious as you think and you need to STOP the beggar in love act and take up the role of vamp on the prowl. If he’s the one that takes notice, good for him, but you need to do this for you, as you can’t let this man drain you of your self-respect and sexuality. Time to get in tune with your Leo rising and realize that worship isn’t a dirty word, despite what your Capricorn side may be telling you.

As it goes, your man is Venus ruled, as in Libra sun and Taurus moon. Plus, his Venus and Mars are in Libra, mixed with Mercury in Scorpio. This equals a wait-and-see type that has a tendency to act out passive aggressively instead of addressing problems directly. Being that he isn’t good with money and knowing that most men measure their potency by their careers, it’s obvious he turns to you to take out his anger over his inadequacy. Making you feel less than is the only way he can feel more than — which is ridiculous and isn’t something you should kowtow too. Refuse to baby him by taking the abuse and instead, take the reins. Be direct in your demands and in addressing issues with him. Turn up the sexual surprises in the bedroom without his cues, like dressing up sexy to greet him at the door. Know your power, own it and show it. If you’re into saving your marriage, then you’re going to have to take big risks and be the sexy rock in this family that doesn’t need his validation to feel good about herself. If he’s still treating you like crap after you’ve made the effort and been through marriage counseling, that is when you should consider an alternative life for yourself and for your children. Kids learn by example and growing up in a household with a mom feeling beaten down can really screw them up.

However, the good news is that I do think you have the fiery powers in your chart to push yourself into action, spin your situation back to where the ball is in your court and get the passion back if you WANT, by bolstering yourself up and in turn possibly helping him regain his machismo back. Astrologically, you have lots of fabulous aspects on your side, like on November 25th, you’ll have Pluto, the planet of transformation, making a big move into Capricorn that can help you rise like a Phoenix. The eclipses in 2009 in Leo/Aquarius coming up on January 26th, February 9th, and August 6th, plus ones in Cancer/Capricorn on January 11th, July 7th, and July 22nd, will shake up your house of identity and your relationship house. I’d say you’ll get more than enough universal oomph to put you in charge and onto the direction you want to go. However, if it’s with him or without him, time will tell.

Got a question for our Astrosexologist, Kiki T? Email [email protected] and be sure to include any astrological information about yourself and any other people involved in your query! For a quicker fix on mastering your man, read Kiki’s astral opus, “The Celestial Sexpot’s Handbook.”