Liveblogging “The Real Housewives Of Atlanta”!

After having a “Housewives” marathon this weekend, I decided to liveblog the latest episode, which starts at 10pm EST. Be sure to check back to this post then to read my hilarious commentary — Kim, you will not be spared! — and participate in the comments with your own.9:59 It’s time, it’s time! I hope NeNe’s gay is in this episode!

10:01 DeShawn and Lisa are USELESS on this show. And DeShawn’s veneers blind me. Why do you think Big Poppa doesn’t buy Kim a better wig? Her’s looks like it was made out of discarded Barbie hair.

10:03 Kim is looking for a pearl. Good luck with that, genius. These chicks have massive tits by the way. Real or fake?

10:04 Wow. That was so CLIMACTIC. They were almost stranded on the island. But the boat was just in neutral. Thank god! They would have had to eat Kim’s hair survive!

10:05 Yawn, Lisa, yawn. Her husband may have the body of a 50-year-old from being a football player, but he also has the bank account of 500 50-year-olds put together. So boo hoo.

10:07 Can someone in Atlanta confirm or deny if the locals look up to Sheree for her fashion sense?

10:08 Finally — NENE!!!! I love her big hat mimosa brunch. I would like to go. And I genuinely thinks she cares about her cause, unlike DeShawn, who seems fake. Also, what does Lisa think women who have been abused look like?

10:14 I cannot wait to see Sheree’s designs for “Chic By Sheree.” Because so far, it sounds like it belongs by the Daisy Fuentes line at Walmart. She does dress cute though. So maybe she could have good taste when it comes to her “vision.”

10:17 Oh NeNe. I feel for her. What a tough situation, not being sure who her dad is.

10:20 DeShawn’s voice PAINS me. Also she does nothing but plan parties at her house. I love NeNe, she tells it to you straight. She’s not willing to play nice with fake beyatches.

10:23 By the looks of the preview for after the next commercial, Sheree can’t design her way out of the bargain bin, bad samples or not.

10:27 Ohhhhh, it’s SHE by Sheree. That is still a dumb name. These dudes are kind of hot. Um, one of the guys Sheree picked has icky teeth. I’m a teeth girl.

10:29 Lisa’s kid is redonk cute. I want to eat his little face. Yawn, all this athlete talk is BORING. I’m just gonna say it — I do not believe in bling on guys, or jewelry on guys period. Only watches and wedding bands fellas! That shop girl is holding back a yawn.

10:33 Thank god. I was about to say this episode was lacking in Ms. Barbie Hair. But she’s coming to Sheree’s to see her ugly fashion line. Um, something tells me that Sheree’s sketches didn’t really indicate how the garments should be made and constructed. Ooh, Sheree is getting shrill. Did she not pick out her own fabric? I mean, I don’t understand.

10:36 God, I love a barbecue. God, I love NeNe. Okay, so this is going to sound harsh, but when I hear DeShawn speak, she sounds dumb. Something about the way she says certain words, just sounds slurry. This is a lackluster BBQ, but Sheree and Kim should have said they couldn’t come. Since they’re so busy. With their fake careers.

10:38 I kind of feel sorry for being mean to DeShawn now. First her auction was a disaster, now her BBQ — and planning parties is her favorite activity! But she sucks at it.

10:43 Do you think Kim’s hair is flammable?

10:44 Jesus, Sheree is a DIVA. She needs to settle. I think she should have postponed the viewing. It is dumb to show a fashion line without any garments. It’s not an art show. Yje party does look kind of fun. There’s an ice sculpture! Dude, this is embarrassing. I mean, she’s not even wearing her own design? Did she just doodle one day, decide she was a designer, and throw a party the next?

10:48 YES! NeNe’s gay! What’s his name? Sex three times a day? Eek. Is that why he still has bed head? How dreadful. “What would I call a fashion show with no clothes? Nothin’.” Is his name Dwight? He doesn’t look like a Dwight.

10:50 What is the point of swimming in a knit cover-up? My God! My God! Lisa won’t stop saying that.

10:52 Next up we find out if Curtis is NeNe’s father! Bravo should have brought Maury Povich on as a special guest for this episode.

10:57 Curtis you are…NOT THE FATHER! Oh, poor NeNe. Her husband is lovely though.

Next Episode; Michael Night from “Project Runway” is on the next episode and I think he schools Sheree! And NeNe brings Kim down to size. Cannot. Wait.