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Frisky Rant: You’ve Jumped The Shark, “Gossip Girl”!

Snooze, the last few episodes of “Gossip Girl” have been boring me. Maybe I just hate Jenny’s mullet so much that it’s hard for me to want to watch this, but lately I just feel as if the show is selling itself short.

First of all, where is Nate? When in doubt or short of material, throw in eye candy. And “man bangs” makes for some good eye candy. Do not throw in, however, a creepy artist type. I know that they are trying to follow the books by throwing in Cyrus and Aaron Rose, but c’mon, Aaron sucks. He looks like a pedophile. Yes, he does. In addition, Aaron has that gross, sparse pubic hair goatee. If he’s not hot and he’s clearly still banging models, why is Serena still lusting after him? She may be annoying, but she can do way better than Aaron Rose. And nobody would go to Central Park in their nightie! Franly, no high schooler I know would even wear that to sleep.

Blair’s birthday party was rather dull for her 18th. Granted mine was spent in a dorm room with cupcakes, but she’s Blair Waldorf and I expect more. Cyndi Lauper should have at least performed. And where was Chuck? I do love, however, that they always dress Blair with some sort of “queen” accent. Particularly in this episode, those Elizabethan ruffles.

Let’s talk about the Humphreys because they are bugging me. Dan, for once, was actually interesting and has grown a sack, so we can leave him out of this. But Rufus and Alison are maybe the worst parents I’ve ever seen. Alison is an absent mother who doesn’t raise her kids, doesn’t know anything about them, and lives her life totally selfishly. Rufus, like his son, is still waiting for his testicles to descend. I know he’s trying to be the cool, laid-back parent that is chill and pals with his kids, but his 15-year-old daughter is roaming the streets of Brooklyn with ugly hair, rolling luggage, and a sewing machine. Also, she’s filing for emancipation? What?!? Who’s going to pay for your precious cell phone Jenny? Or your food? Or give you a place to sleep? This isn’t a very well thought out plan. (See her whole dramatic episode in the clip above. I smell an Emmy reel!)

I’m going to need to see Jenny get her act together, which means Rufus has to get his together too. I’m need to see some more sexual tension between Chuck and Blair. I always welcome an episode with Dorota. Serena needs to put some pants on, or at least a dress that covers her vag. Lastly, Aaron Rose needs to shave his facial fuzz if he wants to stay on the show. Or I’m out. Trust.

Oh, so it seems that in a future episode, SOMEONE DIES. Now, it’s just a question of who…

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