Who Should Evan Rachel Wood Date Next?
Shock rocker Marilyn Manson and actress/Lolita Evan Rachel Wood have split up after two years and twin heart tattoos. While they looked like a match made in Hot Topic heaven, they probably seemed so happy because they were high off the fumes from their his and her black nail polish. Well, breaking up is hard to do, so we hope their division doesn’t get as bloody as their music video for “Heart Shaped Glasses.” On the upside, since she did the dumping, we’re sure Evan Rachel’s ready to rebound! We bet she’s looking forward to making out with a guy who won’t leave his lipstick all over her face. So, we’ve rounded up some dark and lovely dudes for her to pick from, after the jump… Nick Tweed Simmons: The sexy son of KISS rocker Gene Simmons is also a barely legal Jew that’s totally on the kosher meat market. A child star on the reality show, “Family Jewels,” Nick is used to media attention and grew up on camera. So he’ll totes be able to empathize with the attention loving actress from “Thirteen.” But Nick hardly lives in his daddy’s shadow, the young artist is a studio musician that also writes comic books. Bonus points because he got the infamous Simmons’ tongue.
Robert Pattinson: Also a kid actor, the rising star of “Twilight” even has a song on the soundtrack. He’ll probably be able to play Rachel as well as a guitar by espousing his knowledge on vampires and picking her up dressed in his costume from the flick. That’s probably how Manson got her! But hey, maybe she’d like to date a man who wears less makeup than her for once.
Jonah Hill: Right about now, Evan Rachel could probably use a good laugh. The fellow tribe member could help her break out of all the gloom and doom she’s been living with and perhaps this could be a shidduch that would finally make her parents happy. After all, Jonah would probably not scare anyone at their Temple.
Paul McCartney: Wood loves the Beatles. And now that she’s all grown up, she can legally have one! We already know she likes musicians and older dudes. Plus, Stella would probably be really into Evan Rachel wearing her stuff, unlike his ex.
Courteney Semel: What could be more shocking than dating Marilyn Manson? Switching teams! The go-to gateway lesbian, Courtney Semel, has slept her way through Hollywood’s elite. Now, they’re both on the rebound since Courtney’s last girlfriend, Tila Tequila, has been Mac-ing on Justin Long. But, don’t shed a tear for Semel, she likes to make the rounds from the media to her bedroom. Together with Evan Rachel, they could cause a media sensation to rival SamRo and LiLo! They already have a couple things in common — they are both wild party girls, Heebs, and former child actors. But Semel could be her new sugar mama since she is a stinking rich daddy’s girl that likes fast cars and even faster women.