The Don’ts Of PDA

Several times over the past couple weeks, I’ve ridden the subway with a couple that kisses very loudly while they ride the train to work. I’ve had to stand next to them, inches away, while they “smack,” “smack,” “smack”-ed each other’s lips over and over again. They must have kissed 15 times in the time the train traveled one stop. This morning, I just about had it. I was so close to telling the kissing couple they were being inconsiderate and making others uncomfortable — I can even hear the sound of them kissing when I’m listening to my iPod. I held back, though I’m not sure I can much longer. From now on, I will be getting into a different car if I see them hopping on the subway with me. After the jump, what’s not allowed when it comes to PDA.

  1. Don’t make out in places where others cannot escape, i.e., elevators, train cars. Find a deserted alleyway if you can’t wait until you’re at home — just watch out for serial killers.
  2. Don’t use tongue during the day — sucking face is only acceptable at night, when you can use the “I was drunk” excuse. Just sneak little kisses when no one’s looking.
  3. Don’t block people from walking down the sidewalk by refusing to let go of each other’s hands.
  4. Don’t pop each other’s pimples. That’s just gross.
  5. Don’t dress alike. Ever.
  6. Don’t continually touch each other if you’re eating dinner with others. It is very distracting and prevents people from enjoying their anolini with butternut squash. And don’t feed each other, unless you’re at your own wedding reception.
  7. Don’t feel each other up.
  8. Don’t sit in his lap.
  9. Don’t put your hands in each other’s back pockets.
  10. Don’t refer to each other by pet names when in public.
  11. Don’t kiss loudly.