How To: Hook Up On Election Day
Sure, it’s Election Day, but that doesn’t mean you have to be all about the politics. You’re focused on the candidates, the issues, the outcome — but that doesn’t mean you’re not thinking about the opposite sex, too. So, here’s a few tips on how to get frisky in election-friendly ways.
CLOTHING PARTY LINES
You might not have Sarah Palin’s wardrobe budget, but you definitely need to look good enough to make someone want to stuff your ballot box. This Tuesday, make the most of the possibilities. Don’t wear headphones while waiting in those long voting lines, or show up at the polls in a crazy American flag hat. Instead, wear a flirty dress inspired by Michelle Obama. That is, if you want to go home with something other than an “I Voted!” sticker.
America needs you to not dress like a skank! Look like you’re going to or coming from something respectable, like, you know, voting.
Go vote when you know there will be a bit of a line. Sneaking in midday may get you in and out fast, but you want to seem easier than the voting process. If you’re hitting a party after work, go prime time and make sure there’ll be more people there than a couple friends. Bars that advertise election night parties are the perfect place to get picked up. Plus, public gatherings offer you a variety of dudes to choose or loose. Be sure you have plenty of time and a sampling of sexy patriots.
While waiting to vote, it’s hard to hit on more than one person. During election night coverage celebrations, you can make the rounds and interview all possible candidates for your panties.
Strike up a conversation by complaining about voting lines or the wait for drinks. If you’re stuck, go with a poll classic like: “Has the line been moving?” Bonus points if you can work in something about your job. In this market, employment is an aphrodisiac. Make Election Day your foreplay.
Do not ask which candidate your patriotic pal is casting his ballot for while you’re waiting to vote. Sure, it’s important, but while on site, it’s tacky — and illegal. Unless they offer the info up, you’re going to have to wait ‘til the party that night or a first date.
SEAL THE VOTE
If you don’t want to spend the next week combing Craigslist for a missed connection — “You, sexy girl with brown hair and Obama pin … ” — pull an Uncle Sam, and grab young men into your service. Party opener: “I choose you … to buy me a drink!”
Despite the obvious, do not refer to any candidate as “sexy.” It’s awkward to call an elected official hot when you’re hitting on the guy standing next to you. However, we bet you could get any voter back to your place with promises of a private screening of “Nailin’ Paylin.”
YOU’RE NOT A LOSER
No matter who wins, don’t act like a d-bag. Don’t shout dogma. Conflicts are a boner killer, but so is preaching to the choir. Be true to yourself, but don’t rub your beliefs in other people’s faces. Play it cool, no matter the outcome, and you’re more likely to score.
Don’t be a shut in on the perfect day to mingle with the people. Anyone concerned enough to vote or watch election coverage is automatically someone you have something in common with. So, go out there, and hey, who knows, you may hit two kinds of polls — or, er, poles — in one day!