Sarah Palin Impersonators Give Dating Advice

Shudder to think what would happen to Sin City, Las Vegas, if a bunch of Sarah Palin impersonators took over Elvis’ territory! But her dopplegangers do make for a hilarious installment of one of our favorite columns on Nerve — Dating Advice. They’ve asked everyone from sailors to handwriting experts to analyze sex related situations and give their take. And now they’ve had the Nerve to ask: W.W.S.P.D.? (Umm, that’s “What Would Sarah Palin Do?”) Some of our fave highlights after the jump!

How can I get Sarah Palin in bed?
“Few people get to cross my bridge to nowhere.” –Kevin

Why is sex better in the White House?
“Well heck, I sure don’t know. Until Mr. John McCain finally kicks off in the middle of his first ter— I mean, until I succeed Mr. John McCain as president after he serves eight long, glorious, healthful years in office, I’m gonna stick to gettin’ nekkid and havin’ my fun in the vice-presidential mansion over there on the grounds of the U.S. Naval Observatory, thank you very much. No one can say Sarah Palin is eagerly countin’ down the days until Mr. John McCain’s ticker stops functionin’. No, no one could say that. ‘Cause it’s not true. I’ll tell ya that much.” –Sara

How can I help my boyfriend last longer in bed?
”Tell him the Lord commands it. If he’s a good Christian (and he’d better be, sister), then he’ll do as he’s told. Wait, you said ‘boyfriend,’ not ‘husband.’ I’m issuing a warrant for your arrest.” –Susan

I have a crush on my neighbor, but we’ve never spoken. What’s the best way to approach her?
”Kill something in front of her. Women love that. Doesn’t matter what it is — long as it’s not a human fetus, of course.” –Cherise