The Celebrity Guide To Nasty Breakup Behavior

A certain amount of meanness can come out during a breakup, it’s only natural — perhaps you clean the toilet with his favorite T-shirt — but some people take it way too far. The Madonna/Guy Ritchie divorce is the perfect example of a celebrity split getting nasty. Yesterday I noted that it was pretty crappy of Madge to outfit her son with Ritchie, Rocco, in a Yankees t-shirt, considering her new BF is Yankees player Alex Rodriguez and she was apparently having spiritually sexual relations with him pre-split. Ritchie thought it was crappy too! According to Us Weekly, he’s “in pieces” after seeing his son in the shirt and “he’s actually been crying over it.”

Of course, if the rumors about their marriage are true, Ritchie may have had a little nastiness coming — he supposedly said that sleeping next to Madonna was like “cuddling up to a piece of gristle.” Oh wait, HA HA, that’s funny and probably true. Whatever. The behavior of these two is nothing new in Tinseltown. After the jump, nasty breakup behavior tips from some of the worst splits in Hollywood. 1. Use The Kids! Kim Basinger and Alex Baldwin have one of the worst ex-relationships we’ve ever heard of. They share a daughter, Ireland, and at one point, apparently frustrated by an acrimonious custody situation, Baldwin took his anger out on the little girl, leaving her an angry voicemail. That voicemail somehow ended up all over tabloid news shows, which Baldwin pinned on Basinger. Unfortunately, in the end, all this proved was that they both sucked at love and parenting — but at last unofficial tally, people still root for Baldwin over Basinger. He wins!

2. Feign Disease! After her split from Tommy Lee in 2002, Pamela Anderson claimed she had contracted Hepatitis C by sharing a tattoo needle with him. “Tommy has the disease and never disclosed it to me during our marriage,” said Anderson, who, at the time, was engaged in a custody battle with Lee over their two children. She also accused him of telling others that she had the disease, even though she wanted to keep it private. She said that the disease would result in her death within 10 years. Since then, she’s been trying to cure herself of the liver disease, and seems to have forgiven Lee for what amounted to some pretty serious allegations — leading many to believe she, uh, made up the part about him giving her the disease and not telling her that he had it. After all, the two have remained off and on since — living together as recently as earlier this year. Likewise, David Gest accused Liza Minelli of hiding the fact that she had herpes until after they were married. What was he worried about? It’s not like they ever had sex.

3. Tease The Public Passive Aggressively! When Tom Cruise announced he was splitting from his wife of 10 years, Nicole Kidman, shell-shocked Nicole had to promote a movie — “Moulin Rouge” — while dealing with reporters asking her questions about what went wrong. All Tom had to say on the matter? “Nicole knows what she did,” was the only statement the actor would make, leading everyone to leap to crazy conclusions. It had to make things even harder for Kidman, who still hasn’t revealed what led to their sudden breakup. She did get back at her ex in the most classy yet crushing way possible, telling David Letterman, “At least I get to wear heels now.” Boo-yah.

4. Deny Paternity! Eddie Murphy and David Spade, this one is for you. Murphy famously dated Melanie “Scary Spice” Brown and unceremoniously dumped her — when she announced she was knocked up, he downplayed the seriousness of their relationship and denied that he could be the daddy. Paternity tests proved otherwise. He supposedly has yet to meet his daughter and hasn’t even publicly apologized for denying paternity. In this case, Sport Spice won, big time — though her daughter definitely got gypped. Likewise, Spade denied that he could be the father of Jillian Grace’s child, but since paternity tests proved he was, he says he’s “looking forward to meeting” his unexpected spawn.

5. Unleash Your Rage…On MySpace! Every time on-and-off couple Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler are “off”, they attack each other via MySpace blog posts. You would never know these two were in their 30’s with the insults and accusations they hurl for all of MySpace bazillion users to see. If you’ve got something to say to your ex, pick up the phone, compose an email, hell, shoot them a bitchy text — but MySpace is where adults get to fight like teenagers! Fun!

6. When In Doubt, Shout “Porn Habit”! Seriously, it seems like every bitter breakup these days features one half accusing the other half of having a crazy ridiculous porn habit. Christie Brinkley said Peter Cook’s smut habit cost them $3,000 a month, while Denise Richards said her ex Charlie Sheen had a taste for kiddie porn! If the latter is true, that’s obviously, um, a crime, but something tells me that if it WAS true, Denise would probably be fighting a hell of a lot harder to stop visitation between Sheen and their two tots. So yeah, accusing someone of a kiddie porn habit is taking it way too far. But a regular porn habit is a good way to cause major embarrassment. Just ask Cook. Or Coley Laffoon! That chump married and had a baby with crazy ol’ Anne “Celestia” Heche — when she decided to hook up with her co-star, she accused him of having a filthy porn habit. Now he’s living a decidedly less fancy lifestyle while she plays house with her new man.