Last night, just hours after confirming her divorce, Madonna, who was performing to a sold out crowd in Boston, dedicated a song to Guy Ritchie. However, the track “Miles Away,” a little ditty based on their strained, career-based long distance relationship, wasn’t exactly a thank you for all the good times. Madonna set it up by saying, “This song is for the emotionally retarded. You may know a few people like that. God knows I do.” Ouch! Poor Guy, no one deserves to be dragged through the mud, and the media, by their ex.
I have to admit, despite my complete Madonna worship, I empathize with the dude. In relationships, I often have a hard time communicating my feelings even if I really care about the person. Ew, just writing “my feelings” makes me squirm. So, while that attitude will probably keep me a bachelorette and make Guy Ritchie rich from his divorce settlement (supposedly there’s no pre-nup!), maybe, just maybe, I can save you some time. Under the guise of “it takes one to know one”, here are Five Signs You’re Dating Someone Emotionally Stupid, after the jump…
1. They’re Oblivious: “Whaaaat?” is their mantra. Anything you say surprises them. That shirt needs to be ironed. Whaaaat? You never take out the trash. Whaaaat? I never really like a finger in my butt. Whaaaat?
2. They’re Passive Aggressive: Whether or not you vocalize a defense, it all just sounds like not-so-cleverly disguised digs at you. You’re curvier than my last girlfriend.
3. Talking Isn’t Their “Thing”: You’re upset, you want to discuss something. They’re just avoiding having the conversation. You can barely even get them to admit to things they do. You can’t even pick a fight. You might as well be talking to yourself. Starting to sound familiar?
4. Neither Are Whole Sentences: They communicate like they’re texting you, even if it’s face-to-face or on the phone. The question can be existential, but their answer is always one word — yah, nah, or okay. But it’s not okay! It’s boring, and worse yet, immature!
5. But Sex Is!: So, emotional idiots are not conversation starters, but there sure is one thing they have on their mind — S-E-X. It’s their go-to solution for any problem. When their comfort zone is broken with chitchat, they try to overcompensate by getting in your pants. Truth be told, you feel the strongest connection to them while you’re doin’ it.