Dating Don’ts: Dating Advice NOT To Follow

If you were to follow every rule (and not just The Rules) that have been written about dating, you’d be too confused to actually ever go out on any dates. So-called sexperts and relationship gurus are constantly contradicting both themselves and each other— Should you call him? How long do you wait to engage in frisky relations? Is a “MOM” tattoo a valid dealbreaker? Ask a dozen experts, get a dozen different answers.

However, there are one or two rules that everyone seems to agree on. Generally acknowledged as common knowledge, these are things that pretty much all the experts agree that you should follow like the law. Except, they’re wrong. At the risk of causing further confusion, I’m here to tell you that common knowledge isn’t always all its cracked up to be. There is, indeed, an exception to every rule. Here goes:

Snooping: Hacking into his email. Thumbing through his journal. Surreptitiously listening his voicemail. These are not activities that someone in a healthy partnership should be taking part in. If detective work is part of your relationship main objective, it might be time to get thee to the therapist. However, if you’re normally normal, but have a big, fat, sick, twisting feeling in your gut and he’s not giving you the answers you need, you might want to check up on your man. Just make sure you’re prepared for what you might find.

Going to bed angry: Unless you’re some kind of non-sleep-needing superwoman, this one’s just impractical. While yes, it would be nice if we could all settle our differences before saying night-night, some of us (ahem) can hold a grudge like it’s got a handle. And which would you rather—spend all night crying, rehashing your silly argument and beginning your new day with gruesome circles under your eyes? Or pass out pissed off, have a cathartic dream where you beat him up and make him cry, and subsequently wake up ready to make up?

Don’t mix business with pleasure: I don’t know who wrote the rule discouraging workplace romances, but I have to disagree wholeheartedly. Obviously makin’ whoopee with those above or below you on the totem pole can be problematic legally speaking, but c’mon. We spend half our lives at work—are we not human? And sure, inter-office breakups can be messy, but they’re also big time entertainment for your coworkers. Instead of doing actual work (shudder!) or discussing Chuck Bass’s latest crimes against fashion, your misery allows them to fill their days dissecting the demise of your relationship. Way more fun than filing! Think of it as a public service.

Talking politics on the first date: In an election year, this is not only pretty much impossible, it’s just plain ridiculous. I’m not saying which side’s right, but some facts are better revealed before say, an unplanned pregnancy occurs and you discover your now-boyfriend doesn’t believe in a woman’s right to choose and you do. Or vice versa!