Well, it’s official. Madonna’s longtime publicist, Liz Rosenberg, confirmed in an email to the Associated Press that the mega-star and her director husband, Guy Ritchie, are splitting up after rumors of marital strife for years. Rumor has it that Madonna and Alex Rodriguez are indeed romantically involved, but we’re kind of wondering who Ritchie will date now that his eight year marriage is kaput. The pair are aiming to have the divorce finalized by Christmas — who should Ritchie set his sights on for 2009? We have a few ideas….Kylie Minogue: A pop star herself since the ’80s, Kylie has been through hell and back after battling cancer — she’s split from actor Olivier Martinez and is focused on her music career and tour. Guy has put up with the ultimate diva — maybe Kylie is just what the doctor orders. Being with Kylie would be familiar, but still different enough to be exciting. Plus, with her own successful career, Ritchie could focus on making good movies again.
Jennifer Aniston: Will we ever want to stop playing imaginary matchmaker for America’s Sweetheart? Sure, she’s back with John Mayer. For NOW. Since that is just not going to last, maybe the lookin’ for love actress should consider some more…manly options. Besides, Guy Ritchie directed her ex, Brad Pitt, in “Snatch”, and you know homegirl is dying to get back at him for leaving her for Angelina Jolie. What’s a better way than shagging one of his friends?
Sienna Miller: Guy Ritchie is British. Guy Ritchie is on the rebound. Guy Ritchie makes edgy-ish movies. Three things Sienna can’t resist!
Courtney Love: After years of being sort of humiliated by Madonna and sitting backseat to her successes, Guy might be in the mood for a little revenge. Madonna and Courtney Love have had a very, very famous rivalry for years; hooking up with the Hole singer would be like a knife in Madonna’s back. Plus, Madge seems so tightly wound — a little action with the totally unwound Courtney would bring some much needed excitement to Guy’s life.
Rupert Everett: Madonna’s brother, Christopher Ciccone, claimed in his tell-all about the singer that Guy Ritchie is homophobic and partially responsible for their rift. Now, in my opinion, a lot of homophobia has its roots in latent homosexuality. This could be the time to get touch with your gay side, Guy! We’re sure Rupert would be happy to oblige.