A few months ago, I wrote about an article in New York magazine, in which the author, Philip Weiss, tried to explain why men cheat — the basis of his argument was that people, especially men, are not meant, biologically, to be monogamous and that men who cheat are just fulfilling their perfectly natural urges. Boo-frickin’-hoo, I said then, and reminded that if men who got married never promised to be monogamous, they wouldn’t have to cheat. Well, unfortunately, Weiss is not alone in making a career out of explaining and justifying cheating — Gary Neuman, a recent “Oprah” guest, has a theory of his own and has written a book on the subject, called “The Truth About Cheating”. He believes men cheat because they’re experiencing loneliness in their relationship or marriage, they’re seeking affirmation from other women, and are not getting enough attention at home. In other words, it’s your fault ladies! And Oprah isn’t the only person giving this guy credence — Christie Brinkley ex Peter Cook, who cheated on her with his 18-year-old assistant, has taken a page straight out of the Neuman playbook and blames Brinkley for driving him to cheat.
“I was seeking a connection I could not find in my own marriage…. I wanted a little acknowledgement, a little attention, a little thank-you every now and then for my efforts, for the amount of time I took to care for her and my family, for the wealth I was building. Just the tremendous amount of work I was putting into my family…. I think the emotional aspect of our lives had changed. I think we were both feeling more like we were living with a brother and sister than a life partner. I think I just suddenly realized when I was getting attention from someone else that this is something that is missing in my life.”
Let’s pretend what Cook says is true — that he wasn’t being appreciated for the effort he was putting into the marriage and family and that, in essence, his ego was wounded. Why not talk about that? Why not try and repair the damage in the marriage instead of creating more by betraying trust? Not that I’m an expert on this, but I do think that a lot of couples, after being together for a long time, start to take each other for granted — I think I did it in my relationship, in some ways. But if you’re feeling unappreciated and hurt by the actions of the person who is supposed to be close to you, than as an adult, as a man, as a woman, it’s up to you to voice those concerns. People are not mind-readers, and while we can be an insensitive species, we’re not usually trying to cause pain. Not calling attention to the actions and situations that are hurting you is nothing short of cowardly.
Something tells me that feel “unappreciated” in his marriage gave Cook all the ammo he could have wanted to cheat — too bad it doesn’t hold up in a court of law. [New York Post]