Bad Advice: Julia Allison Wants You To Withhold Sex
NonSociety blogger and Time Out New York columnist Julia Allison posed a question in her site the other day — What is a “normal” length of time to wait before having sex with a new partner? — and proposed an answer:
My methodology (for women, of course): if you think you’ve waited long enough, wait even longer. If you like the guy at ALL, don’t think about sleeping with him until at least — AT LEAST — the sixth or seventh date, or four-to-five weeks in, whichever comes last.
I wholeheartedly disagree and actually think this is pretty terrible, game-playing advice. Ladies — you should sleep with him when you feel comfortable sleeping with him. If you feel comfortable with sleeping with him two hours in, by all means, do it (safely). To draw upon Julia’s favorite inspiration, remember when Carrie went on her first date with Mr. Big in that naked dress and they totally boned before dinner? The idea that waiting is something you should do with someone you like AT ALL (if you don’t like someone AT ALL and you’re sleeping with him, that would be worthy of a whole other post), demonstrates that withholding sex somehow shows that you care about him MORE. Or that withholding sex is a way to KEEP a guy who would normally run in the other direction after you’ve had sex — a guy who normally views women and sex as a conquest, and now that he’s gotten the milk for free, he can go service another cow or something. I mean, any guy who’s worth your time, your interest AT ALL, will stick around for more if he’s into you and best to find out his true colors sooner rather than later, yeah?
Which is not to say you should bone a dude to see if he sticks around and is thus worthy of your further attention and affection. Having sex should be about fun, not finding out someone’s true character. And I’m speaking as someone going on a full-on sex hiatus. On future dates, should I go on them, I don’t think I’ll be givin’ up the nookie — because I don’t want to and because I know how *I* react post-coitally. Who gives a crap how the dude reacts? Anyway, should Ryan Gosling come along, this new policy of mine may find an exception.