For The Week Of October 6-12, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You’ll be able to separate the men from the boys this week, as riddles you’ve posed start to produce answers that’ll reveal the true intelligence of your prospects. The problem though is that the winner of this contest is most likely the one you’re not rooting for, which will mean the most important lesson you’ll learn this week is you’re more superficial than you thought. Oh well.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

The bad girl in you will be suggesting all sorts of naughty ideas that you shouldn’t ignore. Let her take charge, because she’ll find the intrigue you’re in dire need of refueling on. Despite the perfect image you want to portray, you know deep down inside you’re not a gal suitable for the general public and it’s time you owned up to it.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

They’ll be no stopping you from getting on top of things and riding off into the sunset of your choice, as the world is now kneeling in front of you, begging for you to do with it as you will. There’s no limit to your potential, so be sure to crack the whip with real authority and drive a hard bargain. Remember, there’s a reason you were born under the official sign of the badass.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

The past is going to haunt you, as hook-ups will make you ooze with nostalgia. Who knows what exactly is the cause, it might be that you actually do meet-up with a past love or something about your current one brings out your sentimental side. Whichever your case, don’t give in any further, as the long-term effects will bring complete mayhem.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Remember, it’s about quality, not quantity. So, despite friends feverishly living out their smuttiest fantasies, making you feel like a prude, revel in the fact that you’re not running to the clinic getting tested every week. Sure, your toes might be permanently curled, but consider it the nicer alternative than being consumed by psychosomatic itching and burning sensations.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

A compromising position at work may leave a bad taste in your mouth. Instead of analyzing the situation, trying to justify it, take it for what it is — total discomfort. After all, it doesn’t take Einstein to decipher a good touch from a bad one. With this said, make this your catalyst for moving to sunnier shores and take that next step in your career.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

All your best ideas will come to you while you’re going at it. Complete with feeling like a giant knot lately, it’s been ages since you’ve gotten a shag that has made you almost reach nirvana. Thankfully, this week, the universe is looking out for you and some kick-ass revelations will be vibrating through your soul and bestowing you with divine inspiration.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

The measure of your affection is the intensity of your madness. The stronger your passion, the more insane you get. This week, if you can get through all the communication mishaps, you’ll most likely be peaking at crazy levels that can get you locked-up — and everyone will be genuinely happy about that.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Home may be where your heart is, but not where you and your boo’s whole existence should be. This means, make it a priority to every so often come out for sunlight, as in prancing about as a couple and revealing to friends that you indeed do have someone in-between your sheets that is delightful, cute, of normal intelligence and not rechargeable.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Not all love affairs are the same. Some start slow, others burn out fast, and then there are those that keep you on the fence. This week, destiny will lead you to a new find, which will have you wondering if it’s a diamond in the rough or just plain rough. Set a deadline on chipping off the veneer. If a sparkle isn’t found in two weeks, cut your losses.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You have too many responsibilities in your life than to have to deal with domestic love issues too. Instead of driving yourself over the edge about your honey’s slovenly habits, put on the rose colored glasses and mentally live out your perfect romantic fantasies. Think of it as researching a standard in which to love by, as visualizing is half the job of making it real.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Avoid any conversations dealing with serious commitment, especially cohabitation, or expect power plays to erupt and ego-clashes down to the death. To better argue your case, do it with action — as in taking advantage of the mind-blowing sex aspects you have going on and making him realize how lucky he has it already and how it could be his 24-7 if he’s man enough.