The Top Five Female Lushes On TV
While traditionally women have been prized for their virtue and morality, there’s a crop of bitches out there that are sketchier than their breath and we love them for it! Every day for your viewing pleasure, these ladies got drunk as skunks, popped a few pills, said what was on their mind, dress to the nines, and then do it all over again. Yeah, they’ll never win the Nobel Prize or even Mother of the Year, but we think they deserve their applause for simply being over-the-top entertainment. So for the ladies we’d love to tie one on with, here are our Favorite Female Lushes.
Played by Megan Mullally
This rich bitch has worn countless numbers of fur coats, but she’s killed even more brain cells than minks. With a drink in one hand and an orange bottle in another, Karen stole every scene with her smack talk.
“You say potato, I say vodka.”
“My soon-to-be ex-husband is trying to screw me over. I gave that man the drunkest years of my life!”
“Wilma, I forget, which are you these days, gay or straight? Wait, wait! I’ll do a little test. There’s a penis and a vagina in a tent and it’s on fire. Which one do you save?”
“Honey, I’m too tired to slap you. Bash your face up against my palm.”
Played by Christine Baranski
Pin-thin and half-cocked, this cynical divorcee provided the show’s comic relief. A challenge even for the Betty Ford Clinic, Maryann made settlements seem like the only reason to marry. While she spent her ex “Dr. Dick”’s money on booze, she spent her time getting revenge.
“Did I ever tell you I super-glued his penis to his thigh?”
“Wow. I’ve never been dumped so beautifully before. I don’t even think I’ll stalk you.”
Played by Jessica Walter
The matriarch of the big Bluth family, you were more likely to see her holding a martini than one of her kids. Addicted to mother’s little helpers, this frigid socialite really warms up the crowd after a couple drinks. Actress Jessica Walter was such a good drunk, the new 90210 has her in a similar role, but it’s just not the same.
“Oscar, close it! You look like the window of a butcher shop.”
“I’ll be in the hospital bar.”
“Your father with his disgusting tweaking. I couldn’t breast feed any of you kids because of that man.”
Played by Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders
These party girls go together like pills and champagne! BFF’s since the sixties, they were still tripping up in ’90s London. Created and written by women, the buddy sitcom was mind-blowingly funny, from Patsy’s Mick Jagger memories to Edina’s trying to turn out her square daughter. The fashion obsessed duo always showed their best/most wasted side thanks to their handy-dandy champagne fridge.
“One snap of my fingers and I can raise hemlines so high the whole world is your gynecologist.”
“The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic.”
“Had two husbands, one was too short, one was gay. Still, sweetie, if you want to know how to peck a dwarf on the cheek as he’s walking out of the house to the disco in your dress, then I’m your girl.”
“I want total sensory deprivation and back-up drugs.”
Played by Wendie Malick
The model-turned-fashion editor wasn’t above getting drunk on the job. Constantly clad in giant hangover sunglasses, she was as striking and tall as her tales about sexing up rock stars. That lady could empty a bottle as well as she filled out cigarette pants.
“What is the time? Tick-tick-tock, it’s party o’clock!”
“God gave us feet for three reasons: to be massaged, pedicured, and tied to the other end of the bed.”
Honorable Mention: Celia Hodes from “Weeds.”