Having A Baby With Your Gay Best Friend: What’s In It For The Ladies?
For more than a decade, my best friend has been a gay guy. I don’t really even like qualifying him as a “gay guy,” since his gayness is such a non-issue in our relationship and in my perception of him. Part of that may be the type of gay he is, or more accurately, the type of gay he isn’t. He never knows, for example, when it’s Pride weekend, and he doesn’t own anything rainbow, and he doesn’t even like Madonna. He does, however, love “Project Runway” as much as I do and his home is so beautifully designed, it would give Martha Stewart an inferiority complex. Sometimes after we’ve had a few bottles of wine — as we’re known to do — and we’re good and lubricated, he’ll slide in a comment about the possibility of us making a kid together. Usually, it’ll be a remark about what great hair it would have or how it would surely inherit the same square Flintstone feet we both share. I’ll chuckle and reply with some quip about it also inheriting the same flightiness we both have, too, and then I’ll change the subject. I do want to have kids someday, but I want to do it the old-fashioned way, with the man I’m in love with, not with the man who advises me on my colors and suggests hairstyles to complement my face. And while I think my friend and his partner would make great parents, I don’t want to give up any of my own kids for them to raise. Of course, they can’t have kids the old-fashioned way and therein lies the rub. Finding an egg donor isn’t as easy as buying spunk, and so it makes sense that they — and other gay men…like Clay Aiken, for example — would hit up their closest gal pals. But what’s in it for the ladies? What makes a woman like Jaymes Foster, Clay Aiken’s baby momma, agree to have a kid with her best gay friend?
The way I see it, there are four types of these baby mommas:
1. The Lesbian: Obviously, the lesbian won’t be having kids the old fashioned way, either, so it makes she’d be into teaming up with her gay bestie. Maybe it’ll be just the two of them raising the kid together, or maybe they’ll share parenting duties with their respective significant others, giving the kid a host of parents to piss off in his teenage years. She’s an ideal choice if she lives close enough to make co-parenting practical.
2. The Veteran Mom: The veteran mom is the woman who already has a household of kids and wants to share the wealth with others. She’s been through pregnancy and childbirth so many times, it’s second nature to her and yet, her maternal cravings were satiated long ago, so the last thing she really wants is to bring another cub home to her own den. She’s a perfect choice for the gay couple who wants sole custody of the kid.
3. The Old Maid: The old maid is the single chick who’s put off having kids so long, she’s down to the final seconds on her biological clock. Like the lesbian, there’s isn’t a romantic partner in her life to father the kid the natural way and while she could always hit up a sperm bank, it makes more sense to have a baby with someone who wants one as much as she does and will shoulder the parenting responsibility.
4. The Saint: The saint is a woman who’s so completely selfless, she has a baby for her best gay friend out of the goodness of her heart because she knows how happy it will make him what a great father he’ll be. It’s also possible she’s trying to increase her karmic points for a chance at winning the lottery later in life or dating George Clooney. I mean really, no one’s that pure hearted, right?