Real Chick Lit: How To Date Like A Rock Star
Fantasize about dating a rock star? Who doesn’t? They’re sexy, mysterious, oh-so-dangerous, and, apparently, insanely wild in bed. If you wanna make like Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Hudson, Liv Tyler, or Cameron Diaz, but you’re all hung up on your lack of a Hollywood pedigree, mega-wattage celebrity, or rock star funds, fret no longer, my sister. You, too, can land yourself a music man — without looking all “groupie” — with the help of Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick, and a Hotter Girlfriend, and to Living Life Like a Rock Star, a land-a-rock-star manual by Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna, who’s married to a rock star herself. Learn The Art Of The Teese
Rockers love strippers. Heck, most men love strippers. If you can’t beat ‘em, Borzillo-Vrenna says, you should join ‘em. Dita Von Teese, the queen of burlesque, lends her expertise to Cherry Bomb with eight pages of striptease advice, including: “Choose shoes that are as high as you can handle without falling over. If the shoes are super-sexy, but too hard to walk in (or you fall because they are too high to handle), try crawling.”
Join The Mile High Club
Never had sex on a plane? Get ready, future lover of a rock star. Two things are true about rock stars: They like sex, and they jet set all over the world. You do the math. Terri Nunn, singer of ‘80s band Berlin, shares her story: “One of the best times I ever had was having sex on a plane. My husband and I threw a blanket over ourselves and started petting heavily. This went on for a while. By the time we locked the bathroom door… I came in about three seconds.”
Do It Like A Star
If you’re serious about dating a rock star, Borzillo-Vrenna says you’d better be open to sexual adventures like threesomes and watching adult videos together. To get you prepped, the book includes the advice of adult film stars Tera Patrick and Joanna Angel. Patrick’s threesome tip: “Choose the girl wisely — you should be the one to pick her.” Angel’s reasoning that couples should watch pornography together: “There’s a pretty good chance that [your man] is watching porn by himself and you don’t know, which means there’s a secret in the relationship. And, secrets are not a good thing.”
Try Some Quickies
According to Borzillo-Vrenna , nothing says dating like a rock star like having spontaneous acts of sex, like rock stars do. Try doing it in a club bathroom, a VIP booth, backstage, a tour bus, in an alley or a dressing room. The tricks to a smooth quickie, she says, are being ready for action at anytime and being quick about your business. She recommends staying prepared for unplanned sexual encounters by maintaining perpetually waxed lady parts. No pain, no gain, girls.
“There are no tears, whining, or hissy fits in rock and roll, ladies,” Borzillo-Vrenna instructs. “If you can’t handle other girls fawning over your man, this lifestyle is not for you. If you can’t handle the occasional overdose, arrest, or near-psychotic episode, run now. If you can’t handle bitchy band wives snapping at you at every turn, get out now.” To practice toughening up, she advises standing up to your worst frenemy and giving her a taste of what she’s been giving you. Even if you’re not into landing a rock star, that sounds like fun, no?