In high school, I begged my guidance counselor to switch my schedule just so I could get the hottest, most aptly named English teacher: Mr. Johnson. He had curly ringlets, the cutest butt, a blue convertible, and liked to read poetry aloud to us. Mr. Johnson was so irresistible, there was a rumor going around school that he had knocked up a former student, but really, it was because we all wanted to be his baby. Sigh, although I never acted on my illegal impulse, now that it’s Back To School time, we here at The Frisky would like to pay homage to the teachers that taught us the book of love. So, here are our Top 5 Songs About Sexy Teachers:
5. “I wanna learn all your lips can teach me/One kiss will do at the start/I’m sure with a little homework/I’ll graduate to your heart.” — “Teacher’s Pet”, Doris Day
In most classroom cases, “pet” is a noun and not a verb because that would be illegal, but luckily Doris Day and her co-star Clark Gable were both of age to misbehave. The title track to their classic ’50s rom-com of the same name, Ms. Day is actually singing this song about her own professor character. Although, we’d all be happy to let Mr. Gable teach us a lesson or two.4. ”Oh teacher I need you like a little child/You got something in you to drive a schoolboy wild/You give me education in the lovesick blues/Help me get straight come out and say/Teacher I, teacher I, teacher I/Teacher I need you.” — “Teacher I Need You”, Elton John
Man, back in the day, Elton John was more trapped in the closet than R. Kelly. I don’t think anyone can help Elton “get straight.” But sexuality aside, this track is a true homage to a hot lady of learnin’.
3. “All my sense had flown away when I kissed the teacher/My whole class went wild/As I held my breath, the world stood still, but then he just smiled/I was in the seventh heaven when I kissed the teacher.” — “When I Kissed the Teacher”, ABBA
This dancing queen singer isn’t just aggressive on the dance floor, she put the moves on her teach in school! ABBA is bold, from the tip of their zippered jumpsuits to their locked lips.
2. “He was not that much older than I was/He had taken our class to the Metropolitan Museum/He asked us what our favorite work of art was/But never could I tell it was him.” — “The Art Teacher”, Rufus Wainwright
Rufus, who doesn’t just finger a piano, has good taste in guys. And any man who takes us on a museum date is a class act — even if it is just a field trip. This song makes me feel shafted since my art teacher growing up was a smock- and clog-wearing female.
1. ”I’ve got it bad/Got it bad/Got it bad/I’m hot for teacher!” — “Hot For Teacher”, Van Halen
One of the greatest music videos and probably the only time David Lee Roth was allowed around children, it’s easy to get sucked into the vortex of Van Halen’s guitar riffs and dirty minds on “Hot For Teacher”.