Sarah Palin: Who Should Star In Her TV Biopic
The Governor of Alaska and Republican VP hopeful, Sarah Palin, has more drama in her life than the new 90210. So before Lifetime makes her biopic, we decided to cast this lady’s dramatic life story in the hopes that someday they’ll finally script her personal plight that we’ve all come to know TMI about. So who would star in this juicy little made-for-TV movie? Here’s how we at The Frisky would do it! Now we just have to wait for it to be produced and run in perpetuity next to infomercials for face creams and slicer/dicers…..
Sarah Palin: NRA-supporter Sarah Michelle Gellar is a sharp shooter who grew up around guns….although that’s sorta scary when you realize she was raised in New York City. Needless to say, Gellar’s gotta be a tough broad who is made for TV and now TV movies. Even though SMG is 13 years Palin’s junior, you know they always cast adult women way younger — that’s the Hollywood magic. Plus, Buffy’s gone brunette and if you’d slip a pair of wire frame glasses on her, they’d look like sisters.
Todd Palin: The self-titled “First Dude” of Alaska is a blue-collar big shot. He works in the oil fields and needs someone who can drive a snowmobile like a champion and understand his sense of humor. If you cut back some of the mullet and add a goatee to the already existing ‘stache, Jeff Foxworthy is perf!
Bristol Palin: Teen pop sensation Miley Cyrus was born in the red state of Tennessee so Republicans are her peeps! Miley’s looking for a new star vehicle that understands the lust we saw in her eyes in that half-naked Annie Leibovitz photo. She wants to be sexy and seem experienced, so maybe playing a pregnant teen will give her an mature role that also teaches her the importance of using condoms. Don’t want to end up like fellow child star/teen mom Jamie-Lynn Spears!
Levi Johnston Chace Crawford is an athletic All-American type which would be a nice slant for the beefy self-proclaimed redneck, Levi. Chace does such a good job of making adult decisions as Nate on Gossip Girl, we’re sure he’d make a good daddy-to-be — if only we were preggers with his kid!
John McCain: We tried to think of actors with such distinguished white hair and came up with was James Brolin, who is a little too tall. An aged Richard Dreyfuss, however, resembles McCain and we knows he has the acting chops to pull off such a complicated and integral role. And what else is he doing these days anyway?
Willow Palin: Both middle daughter Willow and eldest daughter Rumer Willis feel misunderstood, like to defend their family, and love blogs — Willow even authors one, we think: My Life As Willow Pallin. Besides, Rumer should just get a jump on her TV movie career.
Mercede Johnston: We here at The Frisky are big fans of the BBC teen drama Skins. And we love the sassy wild child Effy, played by Kaya Scodelario. She’s already shown she’s a standout as hot Tony’s younger sister, so she’s a total shoe in for Levi’s kid sis/party animal, Mercede!
Piper Palin The perfect winner is Little Miss Sunshine’s Abigail Breslin. Sure, she’s a bit big for TV…and is a bit too old at, gasp, 12, but she’s the only kid actor we can think of that will be able to understand the gravity and significance of spitting on her hand to fix baby Trig’s hair. It’s a big moment, we need a professional here to sell it.
Track Palin: He should totally be just an anonymous voice on the phone, like Charlie on Charlie’s Angels! The eldest Palin kid is deployed in Iraq and it’s doubtful we’ll see the real guy in the public eye anyway.
Trig Palin Um, whatever. Any baby will do.