For The Week Of September 1-7, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Life is a big pain in the ass. Just when you hit your groove, fate swoops in and gives you something else to ponder. What to do? What to do? Break routines and shake it up even more. No matter what curve ball comes your way, be the HBIC and turn your world on its back and do it like a pro.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your tastes are impeccable, your attitude sublime and your stride infallible. There’s nothing out of your reach. So, as the object of your desires start to act as if he’s on crack, this means time to set things straight. Don’t let all your hard work go to waste, as it’s about to pay off. However, if you want that prize, it’ll mean claiming your trophy.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Unexpected good news arrives, making your head spin and your body juicy with delight. Chances though it won’t be love related, but it won’t matter. Any hoorah that’ll tingle you in places you haven’t been dazzled in ages will be all you need. Use this deluge of good cheer to raise your momentum in those other areas of life lacking gusto; it’ll be your Spanish Fly.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

A sudden rage of attraction hits, but it’ll be a friend or someone close to a friend that’ll be your target. With too much on the line, it’ll mean having to be a bit more pragmatic than your usual hurried humping ways. This could mean letting time pass to see how you truly feel, as perhaps this could be a horny haze, or actually feeling it out before mounting.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Getting ahead will be consuming your life, leaving you no time to quell all your desires. Lucky for you, your two worlds will start to collide and something will heat up due to a work related venture. While it might not be the most monumental love affair or even one that goes beyond psychological, these days, you’ll have to take what you can get.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your eccentricity is your hotness and the more you show it off, the hotter you’ll make some other quirky turkey shriek back with passionate fervor. It’s all about going your own way now and really not giving a f’ about what others say, think or feel about you. Ya, it’s a total cliché to say own yourself and feel the love, but seriously, this week it’ll actually get you some.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

If you want to play it fair, hold back your confessions, ideas, feelings and whatever else you have to give to that special someone. Time to give him the reins, let him open up to reveal something intense and show that he actually wants to invest something emotional in you. After all, when it comes to launching relationships, realize the all work and no play method is ineffectual.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Stop obsessing on whom you’re sleeping next to or whom you want to get on top of. Things of those nature shouldn’t be busting your brain right now, as it won’t bring any results anyway. Let it all go. Instead, focus on your own well-being, as in balancing yourself with all your other non-xxx vices. Peace of mind is the only thing that’ll feel good in-between the sheets for now.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Life will be flowing in an orderly fashion, so no worries for you to stress over. To take full advantage of this moment, let loose and let it go. Instead of lifting your finger, reach for the whip instead. Your honey is out to please and the faster you can thrash him into shape, the quicker you’ll be able to realize being you is magic — and he’ll also agree too.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Hold onto your patience, as it’ll get tested over and over this week, as you get emotionally flung throughout the psychological spectrum, making you aggravated and enchanted. Yes, expect to experience a little bit of everything that turns you on, off, and out, leaving you to feel (for better or worst) what you love best: curious.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

This won’t be one of those easy weeks, which will bode well for your love life, as in getting all those questions answered about your latest paramour. As you know, it’s only in major distress that you can see the true character of those around you. So, when sh*t hits the fan this week, know the first thing to kick into gear is the truth in your “relationship.”

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Your exhaustion will catch up to you, making your techno gadgets your best friends in getting off — as in dirty talk, pics, text, emails and whatever else you’ve got to digitize yourself with. After all, with an imagination as rich and as forceful as yours, who cares if you’re in your grubby period panties, worn out pjs and mud mask? It’s the thought that’ll count.