The Bachelor: Where Are They Now?

ABC is letting me down. Following up Matt Grant, the hot British guy, with rejected Bachelorette contestant Jason Mesnick for the next season of The Bachelor is such a huge letdown. I know plenty of other women who watched the show, gag, liked the guy, but I found him to be wimpy, and mealy-mouthed, and completely devoid of charm and dazzle. Though I know the producers are hoping to go in a new direction by having a single dad as The Bach, I just don’t buy this as a good spin for a reality TV dating show. It’s irresponsible for a father to date that many women on national TV and then ask one of them to marry him at the end, without having the child get to know what could be his new mommy. But whatevs. I think I am just upset that the next season of The Bachelor is going to be devoid of sex appeal. Anyway, this new Bachelor gossip made me want to play catchup with some of our favorites from seasons past, when the show was about a shallow search for true love and not the single father dating game.

  • DeAnna Pappas and Jesse Csincsak are still engaged, after exactly 106 days, are planning on getting married May 9, 2009, and still maintain their lame personal website, Jesse’s hair is still tragic, but these two do look happy. So yay!
  • Bob Guiney broke up with Estella practically the DAY the episode aired on television, revealing that he wasn’t the chubby, affable guy we all thought, and was, in fact, as much of an insensitive jerk as most dudes. Then he went and married a soap actress named Rebecca Budig and the two are still together.
  • I loved Charlie O’Connell as The Bach. He’s the hotter version of his famous actor brother Jerry and he seemed the most real out of any Bachelor ever — he was sort of doofus-y, but in an entertaining way, and he seemed sweet. In the end, he chose adorable Sarah Brice as his one and only. They lasted for a couple years, but broke up in 2007. Sarah says they are still total besties, which we totally don’t believe.
  • Andrew Firestone was a pretty good catch as The Bachelor. He’s one of the heirs to the Firestone Tire fortune, but more importantly, his immediate family owns a winery and makes bank getting winos like me drunk. He picked Jen Schefft for his bride and the two were toegther for nearly a year. They broke up, with most people pointing the finger at Jen, but Andrew found love again with, what else, a model named Irina. The two got married a few months ago on my, I mean, his family’s winery and are probs going to pop out a million hot babies.
  • In a race for the douchiest Bachelor it’s a photo finish between Aaron Buerge, Alex Michel, and Prince Lorenzo Borghese. Aaron picked Helene, also known as the one who played hard to get the entire show, and they broke up in a Starbucks. Now he runs a couple restaurants and claims to have women calling him up to be a sperm donor. Yeah right. Prince Lorenzo was about as much of Prince as Michael Jackson’s son Prince Michael — and his family’s wealth came from selling a line of cosmetics only sold at Costco. He was also about as Italian as spaghetti with meatballs made with spaghetti squash and tofu balls. And as for Alex Michel? He picked Amanda over future-Bachelorette Trista, but they broke up almost immediately after the show aired. Since then, Alex has tried to have an acting career but failed miserably.
  • Speaking of Trista, you know she’s STILL gloating. Girlfriend ended up with the hottest guy ever on any season of the show or The Bachelorette, Ryan Sutter. They had a baby over a year ago who they named Max and she designs a line of cheesy baby crap. Ryan is still a fireman. Stick a fireman on The Bachelorette and homeboy is going to win, by the way. He had that show handicapped.
  • Andy Baldwin made one of the smartest choices in Bachelor history by picking Tessa at the end of the show — she was smart and sassy and beautiful in a not-completely-Aryan-way. Unfortunately, they broke up too. He dated Donald Trump’s ex Marla Maples for a little while, but they called it quits and I think he headed off to do more time serving in the military. His body made me a little ill because he was so ripped, and I think it would have been hard dating a guy SO obsessed with fitness.
  • The only former Bachelor still with his mate is Byron “The Fisherman” Velvick who is engaged to Mary Delgado. Not sure that everything is kosher down by the river, however, since Mary was arrested for assaulting him late last year.