For The Week Of August 18-24, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Your booty will be in high demand. Expect the calls to pour in, but think rated PG rather than rated R — as in career opportunities, ones that’ll relieve your thoughts of an eternal poverty and lift you to a whole new financial stratosphere that’ll put you in tune with a savage lifestyle where everyone becomes expendable if they can’t satisfy. You know it, pure excitement.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Being the sign of justice is no walk in the park and you can concur that nice gals often finish last. However, you’ve learned the bottom can have its rewards too and at the end of the day, you’d live no other way. With this said, if you can do it, is there any reason others can’t? No. Remember this before making excuses for yet another a-hole that tries to stomp on your pride.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Before you go rushing into another torrid love affair that gives you lots to gossip about, but nothing to cuddle with on those lonely nights, remember you can have some sense of discipline — then try enforcing some on yourself. Yes, as chemistry sparks midway through the week, trust that fanning the flames will get things hotter than running into the fire.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Career recognition will be at an all time high. Friendship satisfaction? Another high scorer. Love life? Less than stellar and not looking like it’s got any life coming to revive its dismal circumstances. Sure, that might be a sucky attitude to have, but this week, being a realist will save you much time and energy that you otherwise would have forced yourself to expend.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Get on your high horse and ride off into the sunset. The more extreme your ideals, the better —and who cares if you do have illusions of grandeur? Whatever your desire, indulge in it senselessly and intensely. After all, if you don’t try out all extremes of your dreaming, how else will you ever find a happy medium?

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Listening is your sexiest asset this week. Although you’ll have tons of opinions to spew to your one and only, hear him out and follow his cues. The more aware you are of his mindset, the better you can drop your suggestions in and have him pick them up as if he’s smart enough to think of them on his own — and with his confidence back at level ground, expect to reap the rewards.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

As painstakingly careful you are about deciphering your object of desire’s mixed messages, there’ll be something that just won’t add up. You can try and try, ask from various angles and/or investigate behind the scenes, but it won’t matter, as that missing piece doesn’t exist yet. If he’s going to feel it, he’ll let you know. Otherwise, sorry to say, the power just isn’t in your hands.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

The last thing you’ll have any desire for are emotional entanglements. Your attitude will be: go in, get the job done and be on your way. Efficiency is your main concern and you’ll be in prime to stay detached. However, you know what they say, “Love happens when you least expect it.” Yes, anticipate somewhere deep inside your cold heart to spring a warm fuzzy feeling this week.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’ve always been a late bloomer and this summer proves the point once again, as it’s only now that things finally start to heat up in the love department, spinning drama of the delicious kind. Not only will there be various choices to choose from, but also most will be worthy of consideration. Don’t kick this gift horse in the mouth; they really are too good to be true.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

If only the hot ones could keep their mouths shut, there’d be a lot more long-term attraction on your part, but due to your ADD way of lusting, the dumb ones can’t last. This week though, perhaps hanging with the vapid is slowing you down or you’ll be easing up on your IQ standards, because when it comes to romance, there’ll be a brighter light at the end of the dim tunnel.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Is there no end to your fickleness? Just as you seem to hit your groove with a new plaything, in comes your paranoia to ruin the day. Sure, some of your distresses might have some cause for pause, but at this stage of your game, do you really need to be so serious? No. Love the moment, because when the party does end, if it does end, it will be blaringly obvious.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Listen to what your friends say if you truly want to find happiness honesty. Admit you don’t always have the right answers, tending to always be too sympathetic to the wrong person. If you want a fair deal, let others guide you to that solution. Yes, it might be a little painful, but you’ve never been one to avoid a little pain for pleasure.