• Relationships

Dating Don’ts: How Not To Cheat (Or Seem Like You Are)

Did you see those photos of actress Sienna Miller smooching married (and maybe separated?) father-of-four, Balthazar Getty? All the tabloids are whispering about impropriety between Madonna and Yankee Alex Rodriguez, while even darling Ferris Bueller’s Day Off star Matthew Broderick has been accused of stepping out on wife Sarah Jessica Parker.

You can hardly turn on the TV or surf the web these days without being assaulted by photos of some celebrity canoodling with some other famous person who’s married to still another person altogether. Sure, sexing up the same person day in and day out can get a bit dull after a few years, but if you’re going to step out, at least have a little consideration for your main squeeze and don’t get caught. After the jump are a few scenarios to avoid…

Playing doctor with your friend’s husband is just plain old bad form. Sure, you might end up with your own reality show while your friend gets shuttled off to rehab, but do you really want that on your conscience? Karma will come looking for you.
  • Text Messy—You may think you’re being sly with “ILY,” but what you’re really doing is leaving a trail. Ask married Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick whose steamy texts to an equally married aide became painfully public.
  • Cubicle Canoodling—Or, the work fling. Even if the bosses aren’t reading your emails, there’s no way this affair is going to stay private. After all, most of any given workday is devoted to distracting oneself from the task at hand and what’s more interesting than gossiping about who’s doing who?
  • Family Feud—Sleeping with a member of his family (other than the one you’re wedded to) is not only tacky, it’s begging to get caught. And really, aren’t holidays unpleasant enough? No one can forget Woody Allen and Soon Yi Previn.
  • Teacher’s Pet—Debra Lafave and Mary Kay LeTourneau are but a couple of lady teachers who’ve experienced that most forbidden fruit—their students. And since teenage boys aren’t really discrete, these ladies subsequently were punished for their dalliances. Even if you’re a professor at Harvard, this ain’t okay, prison or not.
  • Nanny Diaries—What is it about a woman who knows her way around a diaper? The irresistible aroma of baby powder? I don’t get it, but both Ethan Hawke and Robin Williams married their childrens’ former caretakers. Much like hooking up with a member of the family, these affairs inevitably get found out and are messier than anything you’d find in a nappy.
  • Husband Swapping
    Playing doctor with your friend’s husband is just plain old bad form. Sure, you might end up with your own reality show while your friend gets shuttled off to rehab, but do you really want that on your conscience? Karma will come looking for you.

You’re probably looking at this list and wondering who the heck’s left to have an affair with? Yeah, well, not my problem. Maybe you should keep it in your pants.

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