The Top 10 Songs About Ample Derrieres

Yesterday we were cheering on our flat-chested sisters for refusing to go under the knife, but we didn’t want you to think we were worshipping at the alter of thin either. Like The Music Nerd in yesterday’s “Thoughts From Guys On Our IM”, having a little junk in the trunk, as the rappers would say, is something to celebrate too. Even small-buseted Cameron Diaz recently said, “I want a big bum!” Oh, and speaking of rappers, hip-hop has been, uh, enthusiastically celebrating the rear end since it’s first beat — that’s why we’ve compiled this list of song lyrics about big booty shakin’. But not to be showed up, a few rock bands and a old-timey band leader (below) make an appearance as well.

10. “It must be jelly, cause jam don’t shake like that/ It must be jelly, cause jam don’t shake like that/Oh momma, you’re so big and fat.” — “It Must Be Jelly (‘Cause Jam Don’t Shake Like That)”, Glenn Miller
I like to think that Glenn didn’t mean for this song to sound so harsh. Unfortunately, most of the tune is lyric-less!

9. “I like big butts and I can not lie/You other brothers can’t deny/That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist/And a round thing in your face/You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough/’Cause you notice that butt was stuffed/Deep in the jeans she’s wearing/I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring/Oh baby, I wanna get with you/And take your picture/My homeboys tried to warn me/But that butt you got makes me so horny.” – “Baby Got Back”, Sir Mix-A-Lot
Such a classic. Also, I had no idea that the lyric was “pull out YOUR tough” — I thought it was “you wanna pull up tough”. I didn’t know what that really meant, so the real lyrics make more sense. And they’re dirtier!

8. “A wiggle and jiggle can make the night complete/Now since you got the body of the year, come and get the award/Here’s a hint, it’s like a long chop sword/Flip town, so let me see you shake it up like dice/The way you shake your rump is turnin’ mighty men to mice/But A+ got a surprise that’s a back breaker/Now let me see you shake your rump like a rump shaker.” – “Rump Shaker”, Wreckx-n-Effect
So yeah, he’s rewarding her big butt with the body of the year award, but really I think the award is for him and his long chop sword.

7. “She had a big ole booty, I was doin’ my duty/I mean, yo, I admit that my girl’s a cutie/But Tina was erotic, Earl’s my witness/With the kind of legs that put stockings out of business/When I went home, I kissed my girl on the cheek/But in the back of my mind it was this big butt freak/I sat my girl down, I couldn’t hold it in/And said to her with a devilish grin/TINA got a big ole butt/I know I told you I’d be true/But TINA got a big ole butt/So I’m leavin’ you.” – “Big Ole Butt”, LL Cool J
Ooh, dang. LL ditches his girlfriend for Tina with the big ole butt. But who is Earl?

6. “See many terms they use to express/We’re talking about the butt cheeks not the breasts/Baby got back, junk in the trunk/She got a six pack or a hell of a rump/Yo, need some fries with that shake/See many terms they use to relate/I love the girls with the big old booties/Right up front they call ‘em Dukies/Pretty brown cheeks hanging from the jeans/Even city girls can be country things/So if you get it got it good to dip to dug out/Dem damn Dazzey Duks are turning out/Sing!” – “Dazzey Duks”, Duice
Was Duice a one-hit-wonder? I have never heard of him, but this song is catchy. Better than Sisqo’s “Thong Song” for sure, and a nice play on “Daisy Dukes”.

5. “Walked in this place surprised to see/A big girl gettin’ busy, just rockin’ to the go-go beat/The way she shook her booty sho’ looked good to me/I said, ‘Come here, big girl, won’t you rock my world/Show that dance to me.’/She was/Doin’ the butt/Hey pretty, pretty/When you get that notion/Put your backfield in motion/Hey doin’ the butt/Hey sexy, sexy/Ain’t nothing wrong/If you wanna do the butt all night long.” — Da’ Butt – E.U.
Many butt-related songs had a dance associated with them (Mystikal’s “Shake Ya Ass”, for example), but I liked this the best for it’s simplicity. Just “Da Butt”. It sounds German.

4. “The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin’/That’s what I said/The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand/Or so I have read/My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo/I’d like to sink her with my pink torpedo/Big bottom, big bottom/Talk about bum cakes, my girl’s got ‘em/Big bottom drive me out of my mind/How could I leave this behind?” – “Big Bottom”, Spinal Tap
Eww, pink torpedo. Flesh tuxedo. Great creative writing, fellas.

3. “Bounce that ass till ya can’t no mo’/Make ya ass touch the flo’/Like ya legs are broke/Take that bid ol’ booty girl and scrub the ground/You can do it up and down/Or round ‘n round.” – “Shake That Money”, Too Short
This song is sooooo dirty, I could only grab a snippet and it wasn’t even available on iTunes. Anyway, I think Too Short wants you to drop dat ass so low that it touches the floow and could, in theory, clean up a mess or spill. I think yoga may help with that.

2. “Fat bottomed girls/You make the rockin’ world go round/Hey I was just a skinny lad/Never knew no good from bad/But I knew life before I left my nursery/Left alone with big fat fanny/She was such a naughty nanny/Heap big woman you made a bad boy out of me/Hey hey!” – “Fat Bottomed Girls”, Queen
Umm, did Freddie Mercury have sex with his big-bottomed nanny? Did she turn him gay?

1. “Now Honey, you can’t blame her/For what her mama gave her/It ain’t right to hate her/For workin’ that money-maker/Band shuts down at two/But we’re hangin’ out till three/We hate to see her go/But love to watch her leave/With that honky tonk badonkadonk/Keepin’ perfect rhythm/Make ya wanna swing along/Got it goin’ on/Like Donkey Kong/And whoo-wee/Shut my mouth, slap your grandma/There outta be a law/Get the Sheriff on the phone/Lord have mercy, how’s she even get them britches on/With that honky tonk badonkadonk.” – “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk”, Trace Adkins
Now is the girl with the badonkadonk a dancer at the bar that Trace frequents? Or is she a patron? While I enjoy the lyrics to this song, I wish Trace wouldn’t use so many cliches. Also, leave grandma out of this, cowboy.