So I’m Engaged: You Have To Love His Flaws, Er, Differences
So have you noticed that I haven’t written this column in awhile? That’s because it’s going monthly. Planning a wedding is not that action-packed, to be honest! Especially when you haven’t actually started planning it yet — well, to be fair, we are waiting to hear back on a particular location. If that gets secured, I will actually start working on the other details.
But just because my reply to the nearly daily question, “How’s the wedding planning coming along?” is “What wedding planning?”, doesn’t mean I still don’t have plenty to say about being engaged. And I have determined in the last six months that the easiest way to determine if you’re ready to marry someone, the easiest way to make sure that this person is the right one to spend forever with, is if you can tolerate all the things about them that annoy you. Because fiances are still annoying.
I have friends who are in committed relationships who always have something to complain about when it comes to their significant other. I do too, don’t get me wrong, but none of my fiance’s annoying quirks keep me up at night thinking, “Crap. Do I really want to be bugging this guy about making the bed in the morning for the rest of my life?” The truth is, yes, I would like to spend the rest of my life nagging him about how to fold the sheets just so rather than not have him around at all. That makes it sound like I’d rather have gonorrhea than herpes, but what I really mean is that a person’s flaws can become rather endearing after a while.
Every day I come home and for whatever OCD reason, I instantly wonder as I walk down the hall towards my apartment, “Did M. make the bed today?” Fifty-percent of the time he has (an improvement from the 30% a few months ago) and I always make sure to thank him, because I know he did it not because he gives a crap about a made bed but because he knows how much I give a crap about it. Little things like that, honestly, are the small joys in a lovely relationship. The times when he hasn’t made the bed (or done some other arduous task that I semi-expect of him)? I usually will immediately have my dog tell him that he should have made the bed. Yes, I did just say “have my dog tell him” — it is so much nicer sounding in her tomboyish dog voice than my own naggy one. I like to think this is one of the flaws that he finds endearing about me — speaking to him through our dog, I mean.
M. has terrible taste in music. I made the mistake of sharing iTunes with him so frequently his songs come on when I’m blasting music at work. It’s so embarrassing when I have my IM set to reveal what I’m listening to and Rascal Flatts song pops up. But then I’ll go home and M. will suggest we watch some old movie that I’ve never seen like Arsenic & Old Lace and I’ll remember how cool he is in other ways. When it’s his night to cook dinner, M. always needs a su chef — someone to help him chop the vegetables or put a pot of water on to boil (on my nights I do everything myself, from start to finish). It’s annoying especially when it’s my only chance to catch up on Access Hollywood. But when he finally brings the food to the table, he’s done some sort of restaurant quality plating, because he likes to make it special. So yeah, it’s hard to be pissy after that.
Sometimes M. can be a little…how should I put this…d-baggy? He works in a more business-y field than I, so a big part of his job is schmoozing. I am, by nature, not a schmoozer. I can chit-chat with people at parties pretty good, but I’d rather be curled up on the couch with a bottle of wine and some bad TV. I also am very terrible at blowing smoke up people’s butts, but that’s a huge chunk of what M. does for a living. So sometimes, when I hear him on the phone, you know, schmoooozing, I get a little icked out. But on the flip side of that, when he’s off the phone, and he’s being that special, amazing, funny, sweet, goofy person that he is with me, I feel so psyched to be getting married to him and SO SORRY for the people who don’t know him like I do. And really, when you truly love someone, that is how you should feel when you encounter their so-called “flaws” — all that the rest of the world is missing out on.