Romance On TV: The Bachelorette Narrows Down To The Final Two, Plus The Men Tell All

So I haven’t been watching The Bachelorette all season, which may come as a surprise, but the truth is, I never find The Bachelorette as entertaining as The Bach because the men are never up to my attractiveness standards (which are high for reality TV) and I find it far more mortifying to see a bunch of dudes act like mealy mouthed wimps than to see a bunch of archaic women act like cave girls. Don’t ask me why. But I have been getting harrassed by my coworker Kim and my friend Lesley for not watching this season of The Bachelorette, which they both claim is, like, the best ever. So I kicked my man-friend into the bedroom last night and settled in with a bottle of wine and serious doubts to watch the second to last episode of the show, plus “The Men Tell All” special. And lo and behold, I totally ended up kicking myself for not tuning in sooner. My latent thoughts, after the jump…I didn’t want to like DeAnna, because she kind of the kind of priss that I hate, but I actually think she’s really direct and honest and gutsy, which I appreciate. So, the three J’s remain: beautiful, perfect, chiseled Jeremy; single father Jason; and pro-snowboarder Jesse. DeAnna is going on fantasy dates with all three in the Bahamas and it’s totally obvi that Jeremy drew the sh*t end of the stick by having his date first. It just seems obvious to me that whoever the last guy is will get taken to the finale, unless his date totally sucks, cause that’s the one she’s going to remember. Anyway, over the course of her three dates, it honestly seems like DeAnna is madly in love with all three of these dudes, despite their insane differences. I like Jeremy the most because he seems the most sincere and open, yet uncomfortable, which I think is a good sign — too comfortable in front of all those cameras, and I am liable to think you are acting.

Jason is just way too annoying for my taste. I know he’s a good dad, blah, blah, blah, but is DeAnna really down to play step-mom? Also, Jason has that goofy, puppy dog eagerness about him that I don’t find adorable. Maybe that’s harsh, but I kept expecting him to slobber and play tug of war. I want to like Jesse, because I think snowboarding is cool and I like that he says “rad”, but he just seems like a big goofy kid to me too. And I think he is a little fugly, and I’ve already explained that I judge men on reality TV by very high standards.

So, just as I expected, Jeremy goes home, despite the fact that he and DeAnna share the pain of losing a parent. Something tells me lots of women out there will cuddle Jeremy’s wounded heart. On the “Men Tell All” special, Graham tried to act like he didn’t really give a hoot that DeAnna gave him the boot, Jeremy looked like he was going to cry, and all the other dudes pouted. Then DeAnna announced she was in love AND engaged. So who do you think wins in the end y’all?