Raise Your Hand If You Think Wedding Traditions Are Stupid

Traditions can be a great way to make occasions special, but don’t you kind of wonder who came up with these crazy things? Mental Floss has a great post about the origin of wedding traditions, and after reading them, I am way less into keeping them. Why should I wear white just because Queen Victoria did? [MentalFloss.com]

  • Women used to wear whatever dress was the nicest in their closet until Queen Victoria wore a white dress trimmed with orange blossoms for her wedding to her first cousin, Prince Albert (gross). Tradition worth upholding? Nah, we don’t all look good in white anyway.
  • You might think that a father giving away his daughter is all sweet and stuff, but not really. Fathers used to use their daughters as currency to pay off debts or buy their way into higher social circles. Tradition worth upholding? Being given away seems kind of weird because it’s not like you’re abandoning your family and moving to Russia just because you’re getting married. Plus, not everyone gets along with (or has) a dad.
  • That whole garter thing started because it used to be that couples needed to consummate their marriage immediately after the wedding, with witnesses watching. This was stopped, and instead the bride would throw her flowers at the crowd as a diversion and the groom would remove a piece of the bride’s undergarments to show everyone he was about to get some action. Tradition worth upholding? NO! As tacky today as it was in the middle ages.
  • Saving part of the wedding cake for the couple’s first wedding anniversary started because couples would typically start reproducing soon after their wedding, and it was cheaper to celebrate both a wedding and a christening nine months later with the same cake. Tradition worth upholding? Depends. Do you like frostbitten cake?
  • Forcing bridesmaids wearing matching dresses used to be a preventative measure, not a form of torture. The maids would all wear dresses similar to the bride’s so that trick evil spirits and jealous ex-lovers wouldn’t be able to tell which woman was the bride. Tradition worth upholding? Well, having bridesmaids wear the same dress as you might make you feel special, so maybe stick with telling them what to wear. Just pick a color other than nasty peach or forest green, please.