Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Trust your friends when they tell you the truth about your love life. Seems they’ll be no holding back those strong opinions, so keep an open mind. Chances are someone will say just the right magical words that’ll have you seeing your current state of affairs in whole new light — and bringing on drastic changes that’ll have your whole world rejoicing.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Those pesky daddy issues are going to come back to haunt you, but as long as you recognize it, you’ll be A-Ok. You know it; life can be a real bitch when you’re strolling along feeling together and fine, then someone you meet brings out the darkest sides to you that trip you up and make you have to work on yourself. Thankfully, the efforts will up your stock.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Don’t forget you have standards. No matter how horny you get or how bored you feel, waiting it out for what you want is worth its while. Think of this as the universe testing you and seeing how far you’ve come from your recent trials and tribulations — seeing how much you’ve truly learned. If you’ve smartened up, you’ll know nothing, but perfection, could satisfy you.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
When it comes to matters of love or lust, it won’t be easy. Messages will be lost in translation and moody points of view will have you caught in ridiculous power struggles that’ll make you wonder, “What am I doing here?” Yes, this might the time to pack up your bags for a solo getaway or at least away from the oxytocin fountain that’s blinding you.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Your baby better kiss your ass all week because it’ll be your luck that rubs off on him, giving you both a boost of happiness not seen in weeks. Yes, expect a deluge of unexpected gifts, opportunities and/or general fun to come your way for you and a plus one. It’ll be through these debaucheries that you’ll have a revelation: seeing how fab of team you truly make.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
A burst of creative energy, happiness and love hits suddenly, putting you in prime form to attract all sorts of characters. Go ahead, sample them all, as each will offer something special to enjoy. However, this festive vibe also increases fertility — so, unless you want to be called,
“Mom,” stock up on the rubbers.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Your libido gets worked, as this week will have you feeling like a kid in the candy shop with everyone sweet talking you and making you feel gushy emotions easily. However, you’ve been around the block before and you know you’re a sucker for love. So, although you’ll have some interesting interactions, be sure to read the fine print.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Who you’re doing is your business and no matter if others think he’s a jerk or not shouldn’t kill your buzz if you’re having fun. For whomever this person or persons trying to rain on your parade, understand their motives do come from a good place, but also from a bitter place too. So, when they go on their tirades, have compassion — they’re just super horny and totally jealous.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You’ll have no time for yourself until the end of the week. In the meantime, expect everyone to come whining to you about his or her problems, thinking only you will have a magical solution to lift them from their funk. No, it won’t be sexy and will kill your need to be social. Thankfully you’ll have your toys to keep you company and thank god they never talk back.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Finally, you’ll get to say, “I told you so,” to those losers who didn’t trust you knew what you were talking about. Well, payback is here and the vindication will feel better than ten orgasms on a slow day. Those who thought you were only talking out of your ass will now be duly impressed and working to get into it instead. Too bad for them, suck-ups turn you off.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
If you don’t act selfishly this week, you’re doing a great disservice to yourself. With the sun entering Cancer, this is your time to make outrageous demands and have the extra energy to enforce them. The only drawback is your idealism won’t be so stellar. Luckily, this throe of power will help you fight that feeling, making you feel like the loud mouth top you should be.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Patience and fine-tuning are necessary to save your ego from crumbling apart. Seems you’ll be operating on a way more sensitive level than usual, making you take every comment uttered and action committed personally. While some of this will be your psychic power tuning in, most of it will be your paranoia. Be smart; know how to distinguish between the two.