Top Five Ways to Learn A Second Language In Bed: French

There’s a reason why it’s called “French” kissing. The following will have you speaking in tongues (literally) in no time.

5. Want to faire l’amour in style? The French Lesson Panty Set from Kiki de Montparnasse will teach your lover how to whisper sweet (naughty) nothings into your ear. Inscribed on the back of each pair of underwear, you’ll find French translations of sexy acts like “F**k me” (“Baise moi”). [Set of five, $295]

4. Learn some new movies with L’Amour Dans L’Obscurité, a book of 32 glow in the dark flashcards demonstrating sexual positions (in French, bien sur). []
3. Set the mood with some music à la francaise. Check out pop sensation, Yelle, whose lyrics like “je veux te voir dans un filme pornographique” (“I want to see you in a porno”) will set your lover on fire. For something more romantic, try Keren Ann, who croons in an Air-meets-Fiona-Apple style about quirky love.
2. Rent a porno directed by famed French pornographer, John B. Root. Interestingly, before he became a pornographer, he was a writer of bestselling children’s novels. “Porn’s subject matter is physical love, a theme that has produced countless masterpieces in painting, in sculpture and in literature,” expressed Root in an interview. Track down his most famous works, Une Nuit Au Bordel and Ludivine.
1. And because we couldn’t resist…take the easy way out with a French Maid costume. [Fredericks Of Hollywood]