Top Five T-Shirts That Will Not Get You Laid, Fellas

I am amazed by the rise of the slogan t-shirt. You know, “Everybody Loves An Italian Girl”, “Barack ‘N’ Roll”, “More Cowbell”, “What Would Jesus Do”…I blame Urban Outfitters. But anyway, the most annoying aspect of this clothing phenomenon is that it’s given people the false impression that it’s okay to wear their stupidity, sexist attitudes, and sexual habits on their chests. After the jump, five t-shirts that are total dealbreakers.

5. Totally, not a crime! But I still don’t want to know that the schlub sitting across from me on the bus yanked one out before he pressed the button for the next stop. [Masturbating Is Not A Crime]

4. HAHAHAHA! Anorexia is hilarious! So is violence against women! This shirt is double the hideous humor! [I Beat Ann Orexia, Then Buried Her Body]

3. Props to you, buddy, for being into oral sex. But there is nothing that will make me want you to go down on me less than advertising that you have a degree in it. [Cunnilingus University]

2. I was at a Yankee game last summer and the dude sitting in front of me in the bleachers was wearing this shirt. I had violent urges. This shirt is sexist and classist and sleazy and it boggled my mind that a lovely lady was sitting next to him. [Support Single Mothers]

1. Racism + violence against women = spending life alone in your misogynist tee-pee! [Native Smackahoe Tribe Member]