The Top Five “Hot” Women That Give Us The Icks

After Ellen put together a list of the 100 Hottest Women according to women (not, as most of these lists tend to be decided, according to men). The list was pleasing and interesting in the way you’d expect a list like this would be, if the people determining it didn’t suffer from big-boobs-equals-eyes-glazed-over-syndrome. We were psyched to see Tina Fey top the list, as well as Ellen Page, Katherine Moennig, Kate Winslet, and Mia Kirshner. But as usual, this list made us think about the ladies who didn’t make the list that always make the grade in hot list put together by men. Which women do men find insanely hot that we just don’t understand? Our Top Five list begins with:

5. Nicole Scherzinger from The Pussycat Dolls I would include the entire group of these assinine felines, but sources tell me dudes only find Nicole hot. First of all, I find all that prancing around, talking about pushing on buttons really offensive to, you know, girl power, not to mention the opposite of sexy. She’s like a blowup doll, only with less personality.4. Kim Kardashian Kim is actually a very beautiful woman, but the problem is, she’s lost under about 10 pounds of makeup and it’ll take a jackhammer to unearth her. In other words, not worth the time!

3. Denise Richards The former Mrs. Charlie Sheen is trying really hard to keep up with the ex as to who is more morally corrupt and certifiable. But we understood the attraction when she did that girl-on-girl scene with Neve Campbell in the cinematic classic Wild Things — nowadays, though, this chick is just vapid and seriously not that hot.

2. Cindy Margolis The “internet model” has been the number one search or something on Google for years or something, which tells me dudes are really into her, but I think she looks about as unique and interesting as a Big Mac coming off a conveyer belt.

1. Paris Hilton One of the greatest mysteries of man, in my mind, is why in the hell this chick is a star. And I think we can blame men for 75% of that fame, with the other 25% going to girlfriends of those men who want to emulate the star. There’s a long list of why this chick gives me the skeeves, and her wonky eye, ginormous feet, herpes, and hateful treatment of people she deems beneath aren’t even in the top ten.