For The Week Of June 2-8, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

As fate would have it, you’re born under the sign of the perfectionist wannabe and can spend days mentally flogging yourself for the slightest errors in your decision-making. So, be careful when given all sorts of offers at the office. Whatever you do, celebrate the one that brings you money; ignore the one that can lead you to removing your clothes.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

The hottest thing you have to turn on the boys this week? Your big set of morals. Seems out of all your tricks, none will be great and powerful as the way you stand up for the underdog and fight the fight for what you believe. Go ahead, release your anger and take that high road. When you get to the top, trust they’ll be someone ready to be your bottom.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

It’s karmic payback time. This means the universe is going to tallying the score and see if you’re a saint or a sinner. Depending on where you place, the magnitude of your prize will correspond. Of course, knowing you, your hands have been in all sorts of naughty places, which means one twisted surprise headed your way.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You and your honey can expect a period of hungering for each other like savage animals, with his electric rod of love lighting up your life in ways never imagined. The only catch, both your flaky sides will be out and killing the timing. Luckily, the job, when done, will be so good that the lulls in-between will keep you giddy.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Boredom is optional. If you find yourself sinking deeper into the shadows of your demons, stop it. Instead, get your ass to the gym and sweat it out. Pump up those endorphins and drench your body in pheromones. After all, if your attitude will be less than spectacular, might as well rely on the old tricks of Mother Nature to get yourself some.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Reconnecting with an old friend will warm the cockles of your heart and have you seeing life as you once loved it isn’t gone forever, but has transformed. So, just when you think you were settling down and losing it, in comes salvation. To reclaim the youth that you still have to burn, jump onto the spontaneity bandwagon and let it take you were it may.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

A new beginning is yours, but the deal is you have to end another thing first. Even if you just mentally make a note of whatever you have to end, as in a nasty habit of any sort, the universe will be willing to make you that exchange on credit…which means, you better live up to your end of the bargain if you want positive karma to keep playing on your side.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your flirty nature goes wild, attracting new and zany characters into your life. Sure, you can’t take most of them seriously, but they’ll entertain nonetheless and come with all sorts of talents you can exploit. So, who cares what the circumstances are, let these men worship you and do all your necessary handy work — and you can define “handy work” on whatever terms you choose.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your love is god and it needs proper worship. Yes, this is your time to stop the martyr routine, picking up the scraps and trying to make it work for you. Enough of the bargain mentality when it comes to romance, it’s completely passé. However, to get satisfaction means putting out the work too — and for you, this could start with losing that bad habit lying next to you.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Luckily you’re a gal born with so many talents and personalities that you always have a back up plan. Be ready to launch a new one as you mind calls anarchy on your body and has the two sides fighting for control. Happily, this will be way more comedic than tragic, but prepare, you’ll be running all about town with your panties in a bunch.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

No matter where you go, the past will haunt you. Seems nothing new can erase the old and it’ll consume you until you get on your hands and knees and start praying for a release…or you pick up the phone and call that person that has been enslaving your libido and mind. Astrologically, they’ll be happy to hear from you, drama queen.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

If you’re attached, realize the Siamese twin routine is played and no one is having any fun being dragged or doing the dragging around town. So, if you want any passion, separate and do your own thing. Creating time to miss each other not only will do wonders for your sex life, but it’ll give you twice the gossip to talk about. Yes, a win-win solution for everyone!