For The Week Of May 26-June 1, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Brace yourself, this is going to be a week of hell where the one you’re working on won’t respond quite the way you would think, confirming that this person is in fact an idiot. Whatever, their standards suck. Sure, you barked up the wrong tree, but thankfully you’re smart enough to know this recent lack of judgment is an exception to your usual rule.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Hopefully you’re reading this on a tropical paradise, lounging about with hot studs fanning you with giant leaves and a cocktail by your side. If so, bonsai! It’s exactly where you should be. If you are reading this elsewhere, change your trajectory. Hedonistic pursuits are your only worthwhile challenge now.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Stop wasting your time creating worst-case scenarios. Not only are you cosmically drawing that negative energy to you, you are neglecting to realize that time has its own agenda and that only in time can you see how your story unfurls. What you know today might not hold true tomorrow. This week, expect a sexy red herring to prove this point.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

If you’ve been seeing someone, a new comfort level is about to be achieved near the 25th and can have you dreaming about the next step. However, take heed that your brain gets jumbled on the 27th, making your libido more ambitious than your heart. In other words, enjoy the sex, but avoid making any deep commitments.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

The only things you’ll be wrestling with this week are your demons. Unfortunately, confusion will put you in panic mode and not be sending off your best vibes into the universe. Forget trying to reason with it. Give in and go all the way — take down those bitches! Besides, the only way to lure the prospects back is with the scent of your sweat from a victorious battle.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your question of the week is, “How bad do you want it?” This could mean sex, love or just a distracting flirtation. Whichever, know that it’s possible, but it just won’t come easy — like crawling through a minefield of mental traps. The worst part is, the end result might not even be worth the efforts. So, be smart, really know how much you want it.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Be careful using guilt as a weapon. Passive aggressive tactics to get your honey to do as you wish is only going to backfire on you. If you want him to take action, you are going to have to lead by example and hope he catches on. If he does, then know he is on the same page. If not, then realize you might have to consider how smart he really is.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Watch what you say, because being misconstrued and having the wrong information come back to bite you is highly probable. To play it safe, don’t spill any of your secrets or confess any of your feelings. Ideally, this is a good time to beginning a flirtation, but do it with actions, like a wink to the hottie you see in your morning commute, but keep all else to yourself.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Money matters to you and there should be no love for anyone, unless they can pay to keep up with you. Not to say you should turn into a gold digging whore, but draw the line on those broke-a$$ boys that need you as their sugar momma. Accept a guy with potential may be sexy, but a guy living out his potential is sexier.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your brain will feel like scrambled eggs all week in regard to boys. Lucky you though, your best play isn’t to bear all the responsibilities, but take in the worship and observe the situation. Although it’ll be hard not to throw your two cents in every two minutes, your silence will give you a vital position to scope out the long term potential.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Stop blaming the world for your problems, because the more you bitch the more negative energy will come your way. Instead, to jump start the feeling of joie de vivre, spread open your wallet and treat yourself. So what if life is less than stellar? And who cares that your love life is rocky as hell? You have the power to buy some happiness, hook yourself up.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Sure, you’re the queen of the zodiac, the ruler of romance and the original It Girl. However, despite that startling resume, you aren’t perfect and can’t contain all the answer to the universe’s mystery. So, when a lusty conflict happens between you and a close friend (for example, fighting over a guy) realize this can happen to even the best of them.