For The Week Of May 19-25, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

This is the beginning of one of those phases when you’ll have to spend a lot of time talking to yourself, convincing yourself everything is fine. Unfortunately, there’s no good news to report right now, as it’ll feel as if everyone is going against you. If anything, make it your time to compensate with overspending and overeating. Yes, find satisfaction wherever available.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Get your priorities in order. Put on your party hat and hit the town. Your infectious energy is necessary to inspire friends around you from skimming the bottom of the mood chain. By assuming the role of the cheerleader, good things will follow. After all, how deliciously will you stick out being the lively center in a group of well-dressed zombies?

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Mark the 19th down and watch what happens near then. In a rare astrological form, there are two full moons in Scorpio this year, which means if you didn’t settle an ongoing trauma last month, the gods are giving you another chance. As destiny goes, second chances are precious and if given one, you better rise to the occasion. Otherwise, you’ll be royally f’ed.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Rocky relationship times are coming. Even despite wrapping one issue, others randomly appear. While the love is there and you will be solid despite the mess, the small aggravations will irritate. The worst is that by next week, these conversations hit repeat. To circumvent the repetition, answer with action: tackle him down and give his mouth something else to do.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Although you’d love to escape to a desert island with a superfluous supply of your vices and a gaggle of able-bodies love slaves, you’re going to have to postpone even the fantasy. Seems you’ll have no time to even think, as an unexpected work pandemonium has you fighting for survival. Dramatic? Yes, but wouldn’t it have to be, to leave such paradise behind?

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You’ve been nice for too long. Stop being taken foregranted of and get acknowledged for all the efforts you put out, demand pay back. Put yourself in the spotlight and indulge your most selfish ways. If you give him no choice, but to worship, he will oblige — and in a way that’ll make everyone feel all right.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Despite the fact that you’ll be in full homebody mode, beyond moody and noncommittal, motivate yourself to do something larger than life. Break free from the confines of your excuses and dare to take a leap into the unknown. Even if the spark lasts for less than 10 seconds, at least it’ll give you something specific to be isolated, moody and noncommittal about.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Being bitchy might be the way you land them, but it’s not the way you’re going to keep them. Sorry to say darling, but these days your insanity could scare salmon from swimming upstream. That’s right, your negative energy will have the power to confuse instincts and self-sabotage. Curb those undercutting opinions, no matter how imperative you think it is to win.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Money makes the world go round. Expect a pleasant windfall to hit your wallet and give it a bulge it hasn’t seen in years. The one caveat, the cash won’t come in directly. It might be your partner’s or you’ll only hear about the pending cash, but the check will still have yet to arrive. Either or, you’ll be one lucky bitch.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You know how people think you’re a multi-personality disaster of mayhem and manipulation? Well, hold on to your hat because you might think the same as your mind ping-pongs between extremes. Feelings will vary one minute from the next and what you say might not be what you feel for too long. Whatever, at the least, no one could ever accuse you of being boring.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

The past returns to kick your ass. Unresolved emotions resurface by way of someone returning or your own flip-outs from nostalgia. Whichever the case, expect to reconnect with something that you’ll be painfully aware of how toxic it can be for you, but you can’t seem to resist. Don’t fret, fate has your back and in the end, you will come out enlightened.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

A friendship with much sexual tension will start to get you uncontrollably hot and bothered. Although you can try to play smooth, honesty won’t be able to keep you calm. However, no matter how hard it’ll be to keep your secrets, do try. This isn’t the time you can clearly express the depths of your emotions. Instead, keep building the friendship and get him to make the move.