For The Week Of May 5-11, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Luck is returning to your side slowly, but surely. The catch though, there’s only a small window where it’ll benefit your love life. So, hit a few happy hours this week and forget consequence. Make it a love hoorah all about something new and exciting. However, by the end of the week, what you crave will be something from the past.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Standards are nonnegotiable — so when it comes to a friend trying to play matchmaker, stay firm with demands. No doing anyone a favor with your time, as charity cases should never be part of your agenda. If you’re going to do anyone a favor, make it yourself and don’t make desperation part of your love M.O.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

If you’re involved with someone, it’ll be one of those fairy tale weeks when catching a glimpse of each other’s eyes will have you falling madly in love again. If you’re single, this is your best time to place an order to the universe in exact detail and on paper of what you want. Yes, it’s totally new agey, but unless you know what you want, how else will you recognize it when it appears?

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Trying to get straight answers from anyone is going to make you manic. You’ll hear one thing, but you’ll know deep down they’ll mean something else. Of course, you’ve never been a wallflower type; so throw caution to the wind to set the records straight. If you work hard at it, honesty will be your aphrodisiac.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Money opportunities are coming and a big pay out is expected. Not only will this news put a bulge in your wallet, but one in your ego too. Let the swell to your confidence boost you to new fearless spending levels. Lavish yourself in total nouveau riche-ness. If this means getting a K-fed for the week, love being the sugar momma with a long whip.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You will be in just the right way to connect and bond over strange quirkinesses with the one you lust after. Feel free to lose your inhibitions and reveal your glorious inner freak — as in bizarre habits, strange theories and all out dorkiness. The PG-entertainment value alone is priceless, but the captivating audience you seek will fall at your feet in total rated R style.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Let your flip-flopping mind out trump your heart. Yes, as much as you’ll be feeling intensely drawn to that certain someone, slow down and listen to your instincts. Do your research and trust your psychic powers. However, this set back might only be temporary, and by next week you’ll be ready to jump his bones again.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Taking on a self-righteous attitude with the one you love is not going to win you any popularity contests. Not only is he going to have a bigger mouth than normal, spreading all these horrific stories to his friend and yours that he has access too, but they will all be siding with him. So, unless you want the world hating you, curb your insanity and ask nicely, don’t demand.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

May 5th is your day to snap, as the new moon in Taurus will bring in a feisty energy that’ll have your inner dominatrix out on the prowl. After all, you’re sick of the nice girl routine, as it’s given you no satisfaction. Now, if other folks can’t play nice, don’t hesitate to let them know you’re going to have to get a little dirty.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your mind will switch gears; making whatever obsession you have fade to black by midweek. For example, you’re cynicism can suddenly turn into driving ambition or your horniness can transform into house hunting. Just like kissing a frog, the surprises are coming. Thankfully, being on your toes is where you’re sexiest.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Just one more week of being the top and then, hoorah, back to being the bottom. Yes, a reprise in your life is coming and all the hustling you’ve been doing will start to show results. As early as the 10th, the world will finally heed your genius and put you just where you like, on your back and being pleasured by the world.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Selfishness pays. Draw boundaries on that freeloading lover and let him know the deal. Otherwise, miracles aren’t going to save you. The only way to salvage your pride is throwing down the gauntlet now. If you need back up, call up friends. Besides, they’ve been waiting in the wings to help out, as they saw this mess miles away. Oh well, guess love is blind.