• Horoscopes

For The Week Of April 28-May 4, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

The universe isn’t perfect; stop wishing it could be. Instead of putting all your eggs in one basket, trying to achieve happiness down one path, broaden your horizons. Free your curiosities. Only you can make change happen, so do it. Start by booking yourself a solo trip to an exotic locale where the locals are hot and the decadence is inspirational. Reinvention = happiness.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your partner’s nagging won’t end. He might think he’s being constructive, but you know he’s being a pain in your ass. The only way to shut him up, make a plan of attack for financial issues and eclipse his demands. Get moving by the 3rd, when Gemini goes into mercury, giving you a leg up on sweet-talking your way to the head of any line.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You’re one dirty little birdie that can’t seem to think of any scheme that doesn’t involve sex. Oh well, that’s just how you are and that’s okay if you don’t trust anyone that isn’t sexy. Your instincts are the way they are and they haven’t proven you wrong so far. However, by the week’s end, you might find a loophole to your theory that’ll shock you in all the right places.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

If your partner is more on the DL than usual, beware that he’s saving the sh*t storm for the 3rd. Forget routines going smoothly and your happy-go-lucky attitude to get you through. Seems many unforeseeable issues will arise and perhaps leave you wondering whom you’ve been sleeping next to this whole time.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Don’t make any rash decisions about whom you kick out of bed yet. Besides the fact that it won’t take too much effort to keep the options open, new information about who they are, what they are about and what they might open up to you won’t be apparent right away. Let time pass. You’ll learn what this all means and how you benefit soon enough.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The only way someone can truly strike a physical chord with you is through your mind. Feel free to start deep conversation with a hot somebody, as the mental connection is necessary for your hot tryst. However, realize things that start up fast might also end fast — but the good news is that no matter what settles, a friendship can emerge.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Thankfully you’re a girl that’s got a lot of vices. You’ll need them, as confusion will cloud your judgment with all things love related. No matter what you hear, feel or think you should do, there will be nothing 100% to go on. With nothing left to lose, quell your anxiety with naughty habits that you know bring bliss — even despite weighty consequences.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

On the 30th, actions won’t be as important in affairs of the heart. However, by the 3rd, what you say better sound perfect. This will leave a small margin for bulls*it, so be willing to bend the truth when you can. While you’re not one that goes under a microscope calmly, realize the price you’ll pay for a mess up is severe.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Anxiety over sorting out your love issues ends as Taurus enters Venus on the 1st. It’ll stabilize your mood, making you see that being bossed around despite your feelings isn’t cool — and perhaps force you to unleash those repressed emotions by the 3rd. Of course, revealing such raw passion might be what jump starts the dysfunction all over again, so beware.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You wouldn’t be you unless you schized out occasionally, leaving others toiled in confusion. Yes, your fury spins like a tornado and your mind erratic. You’ll want to shut down and feel the burdens of the world. However, by the 3rd, do come up for air and text a 411 to that crush you’ve been working. It’ll save weeks of the emotional work you’ve built with that other.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Speed isn’t one of your strong points, as far as making decisions regarding your love life. You tend to analyze and analyze until you deconstruct the situation into something it no longer can be. However, this time around, you might be onto something and if you’re feeling the pangs of sentimentality towards another, feel free to explore it — if only in your already cluttered mind.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Nobody likes giving the, “It’s not you, it’s me,” speech. It’s completely unoriginal and an obvious blow off. However, it’s safe and effective — and as far as your future, do it. You’ll need a fast exit to make way for the slew of more important priorities coming. Although it is all work-related, the onslaught of cash is definitely a sexier upgrade.

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