Relationship Novice: The Ex-Files
Unless you started your new relationship as a virgin, chances are you have some semblance of an “ex.”
So what happens to all the “exes” when you get into a serious relationship? Are they like the Junior absorbency tampons in your multi-pack, destined to go unused for all your menstruating days? And what if you’ve actually developed a “friendship” with this feminine Q-tip? Well, the answer is harsh…but simple. Once you get into a serious relationship, your ex “friends” are going to fade away, and they should. Here’s my rationale:
People break up with people for a million different reasons. They cheat, fall out of love (or in love with someone else), grow up, move away…die. Minus the last reason, it’s generally a conscious decision by at least one person to call it quits. When they do (whether they want to admit it or not) they’re essentially saying there’s something they don’t like about the other person. So why would you stay friends with them?
More times than not, exes act as some sort of anchor in our lives. They serve as reminders of the past…morale boosters…admirers…But if you’re friends with an ex you broke it off with, there’s bound to be some lingering feelings from the one who didn’t throw in the towel. After all, if they had their choice they would probably still be dating you.
If you’re used to seeing your ex on a regular basis, do a quick evaluation of your friendship with them. Look back at the time you were hanging out with them prior to your boyfriend. Was it when you were in the dating dumps and needed some male attention? Was your ex giving you unsolicited dating advice? (Something along the lines of, “you should really date someone like me again.”) Has your ex faded away since you told him how happy you and “what’s his name” are? If you answered ‘Yes’ to any of the above, this is probably a friendship you should grow out of. Same goes for your boyfriend. If you’ve gone to an ex for attention, chances are his ex has done the same thing.
Exes should, eventually, become a thing of your past…something that should happen naturally. After all, you don’t want to ditch your boyfriend to see your ex. That’s like saying “Hey, Chosen One! I’m gonna go grab some beers with the guy I didn’t think was good enough for me. Later!”
And you’re more of a glutton for punishment then me if you want to spend time with “just the three of you.” A lovely dinner with you, your boyfriend, and your ex sounds less than inviting. Two perfect hours of your boyfriend staring at the guy you had sex with for three years? Check please.