The Nookie Know-It-All: Lost Orgasm
I’ve been dating a guy for about a month and a half. Every thing is great — similar outlooks on life, we share a lot of opinions on things etcetera — except for one thing. In that time period, during our above average sex life, I’ve climaxed once. ONCE. His technique is just fine, but for some reason its not happening. Typically oral sex does the trick for me, but even that’s not working. Now I feel like there’s so much pressure on it to happen that it makes it even harder now. Thoughts? Advice? New techniques? — Have You Seen My Orgasm?, Brooklyn, NY The first thing that jumps out to me is that even though you mention your shared outlooks on life and opinions, you never mention that you’re attracted to him. Is this somebody that you think is good on paper but you don’t really feel the chemistry with? If you don’t, that might be the issue. Sometimes you can hope that a guy is the one for you, but you won’t be able to fake it if the passion just isn’t there.
If you DO get hot and bothered by him, it might just be the amount of time you’ve been with him. A lot of times a woman’s ability to climax is associated with how comfortable she is with her partner. If you feel like you’re still getting to know each other, maybe you just need more time together. Communication is a major factor in relationships. If you can’t tell him what turns you on, you’re not gonna get turned on. Talk to him and tell him that you’d like to experiment with different positions, techniques, etc. to see what can get you off. Instead of putting pressure on yourself, think of sex with him as a fun experiment. Start off by masturbating during foreplay (it might be embarrassing at first, but rest assured that it’s turning him on) and then telling him what you’re feeling. Sometimes icebreakers such as you saying “a little to left” or “I need more pressure” on your clitoris are all you need to start the fire. Once he sees your hot spots, he’ll be able to read you like Stevie Wonder reads a novel (with his hands).
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A Note On Playing It Safe: The Frisky thinks safe sex is smart sex – so please practice it in the way that’s right for your relationship.