It Can Even Happen To Cameron Diaz

Back in the day, at a dance party in my middle school’s gym, a ray of light shined into my dark pubescent heart: the class clown asked me to slow dance. It was an unexpected surprise, as I usually went to school socials just so I could eat lots of M&M’s and Doritos. But a mouthful of Brian was even better than junk food. We goofed around, got in trouble with the teachers for dancing too close, and made out in an empty girls’ bathroom. It was one H-O-T Friday night! When Monday rolled around, I had my friend French braid my hair in PE, I put on some lip gloss, and then I bravely went up to my new boyfriend during lunch. But he pretended he didn’t know why I was even talking to him and made fun of me in front of his friends. WTF?! I was crushed. It’s easy to blame that kind of manipulation on adolescent immaturity. But now we have quite a woman to console — Cameron Diaz. She’s been seen around town with 300 actor Gerard Butler. While they went out three times in 10 days, the actor told paparazzi that he isn’t dating her. What a creep! It’s bad enough that you’re not going to call Cameron after leading her on, but it’s an even worse thing when you talk tell the press, in response to reports of your coupledom, “If I take a dog for a walk, apparently I’m f***ing my dog!” Somethin’ tells us, he is the dog in this situation! [Dlisted]