For The Week Of April 14-20, 2008
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Do whatever you have to do, to slow down your mind from churning out the paranoia and analyzing every facet of your life at every moment. Fun, spontaneity and extreme adventure is key to your happiness for the next two weeks. You don’t have to suffer to gain, so stop making your life work that way. Easy go; easy come — literally and metaphorically.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Your relationship has been swinging from extreme to extreme over the last few weeks and over the next few days you’ll start wondering what you’re really in it for. Hold on tighter. Chances are you’ll find a nice balance and even a few undiscovered kinky areas to explore. Dive in for what it’s worth and let the natural flow take you where you belong.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Come out of the closet already. Whatever secrets you’re holding onto, unveil them by the 18th and find that peace you crave. Stop trying to map out the consequences and worst-case scenarios, because as you should know, nothing is ever as dramatic as you envision. Come clean and see the world outside your head is way chiller and actually on your side.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
It’s sad, but true, not everyone can be as bright as you wish. They’ll try your patience and make you want to kill, but then they’ll show their kindness and emotions will get the better of you. It’s okay, you’re only human and so are they. Besides, intelligence has nothing to do with sexual ability, so stop over-thinking the situation and accept some packages at face value.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Speak up! The louder you are and the more direct your demands, the more power you gain. Seems whoever is on your mind isn’t being upfront, but don’t worry. It’s not because he’s hiding anything, it’s more or less his own confusion. To get him into working order, plant your ass in the driver’s seat and show him the way. Seriously, being a top is your calling.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
The only way to not add to the tension in your house this week is if you keep the dialogue flowing and the mood light. Yes, this means you’re going to have to be the bigger person and suck it up. Luckily, your perversions will be driving your libido and making you one hot mess for love, translating rather beautifully in the boudoir.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Beware of overestimating your salaciousness. While you’ll be able to talk the talk and walk the walk more supremely that you have in weeks, it won’t mean whom you want to watch will care. If you keep this in mind, your ego won’t be as blown and put you into a better position to aim your sexy intentions for another, more well suited bull’s eye.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
They’ll be no shortage of lust in your life. However, let him step it up by the week’s end and prove to you that he’s worth it. Yes, seems overnight, your standards have shifted and it’ll take more than a pretty face, but a MENSA membership to get into your pants. Thankfully, this means all you have to do is sit back and enjoy the show.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Slowly, but surely the grand scheme of your life starts to make more sense. Soon, your time will be more exclusive, as you’re able to learn to see clearly through the bullshit — thank god! With good news due to arrive soon, it’ll put you in an elevated position of confidence, perfect for looking down at situations and seeing where to cut the ties that no longer work for you.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
A bombastic “friend” will irritate the hell out of you. However, be careful retaliating and launching a war, because they’ll have way more ammo to fire back with than you. Seems they’ll have no qualms about calling up those shady characters from your past and spilling the skeletons from your closets. Whatever, you always knew he or she was a bitch anyway.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Your go it alone attitude needs a break. When it comes to saving your love life from obscurity, admit you need help and call in back up. You have the connections, so make them work for you. Instead of trying to play coy, be direct — it‘s the only trick you haven’t used that is still up your sleeve. Plus, it’ll be the only way to get you the sex you deserve.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Ambition is one of the hottest things about you. You have a vision and will fight to the death for it. You’re passionate, intense and focused. Apply this to your love life and watch your stress melt away. Accept the one for you has got to have goals and completed accomplishments. Enough of the “falling for his potential.” Love on an installment plan doesn’t work — at least not for you.