My boyfriend and I have decided to try anal, but I’ve heard it’s good to sort of ‘warm up’ first. Are there tricks to getting myself relaxed enough? I’ve heard porn stars have enemas or stop eating a day before. Do I have to go to all that trouble? What if it comes up more spontaneously? — Back Door Betty, Santa Clara, CA
Here’s a little tip about porn stars. The enema and no eating a day before anal is, I imagine, like a method actor preparing for a role. Did you hear how Tom Hanks prepared for his role in Cast Away? He literally starved himself for weeks at a time so he could actually feel like he was stranded on a deserted island. For porn stars, their butt IS that island. Yours isn’t, so don’t get so freaked out.
My #1 piece of advice to you is not to plan exactly when you’re going to do it. Let it happen on a night when you’re feeling extra frisky (aka: “I’ve had some wine and feel very nice”). The more you plan it, the more you’re gonna freak out and become a tight-ass (that expression had to come from somewhere.) When you do decide to do it, make sure you’ve got a good lube (like Astroglide). Make it sexy and have your boyfriend apply it for you (on his penis and your anus). Next, try laying on your stomach and masturbating. Masturbation is a great way to get the muscles relaxed and you (and your man) in the mood. Once you get rawled up, you’ll be ready to make grass huts and talk to volleyballs for a long, long time.
Got a burning question for our amazingly wise Nookie Know-It-All? Email it to email@example.com. Don’t worry, we’ll keep your deets between us.
A Note On Playing It Safe: The Frisky thinks safe sex is smart sex – so please practice it in the way that’s right for your relationship.