100 Unsexiest Men, Plus Five Frisky Additions!

We’ve railed on Maxim quite a bit for naming Sarah Jessica Parker “The Unsexiest Woman In America”, but we haven’t had the wisdom to counter attack with a list of Unsexy Men. No matter, The Phoenix did it for us! As we hoped, the staff picked the 100 unsexiest men with all the right criteria — because being unsexy isn’t really about being ugly (#100, Tom Brady, certainly is a pretty boy, but his treatment of baby momma, Bridget Moynahan, is what makes him fugs!), or necessarily 3D (The Family Guy’s Quagmire is listed for making rape jokes). But we thought they missed a few… 1. Rush Limbaugh — No matter where you stand politically, this guy is a disgusting, hypocritical blowhard.
2. Jesus Martinez — The blogger for the uber-sexist celebrity gossip blog Drunken Stepfather (NSFW) goes waaaaaay too far with his brand of “tongue in cheek” misogyny. Rape jokes ain’t funny, ever.
3. Chris Klein — For telling Elle, “I only date 8 to 10s”, “I liked it when [the women at Texas Christian University] called me ‘Daddy'”, and, when asked how he would feel if his girlfriend put on a pound or two, “I’m not tolerant of that at all. … When a woman isn’t feeling good about herself and you combine that with her period, eventually she’ll ask you if you like her body. You have to say no.” And now he’s dating our beloved Ginnifer Goodwin. Sob!
4. David Blaine — Modelizing? Check! Rabid egotism? Check! Used to be awesome, but now he’s a parody of himself? Check!
5. Constantine Maroulis — This guy almost made us quit American Idol because of his creepy, pedophile-like glare. He’s the exact kind of dude we do not want undressing us with his eyes.

[The Phoenix via Shine]