Romance On TV: The Ladies Gamble On The Bachelor

“I like blackjack, but I think what I’m really going to be gambling with today is my heart.” That’s a quote from one of our brilliantly poetic Bachelorettes, who got to head to the casino in hopes of winning some money, not to mention The Bach’s attention. But first, half the crew went on a date where they were surprised that they were going to be walking in a fashion show! Of course, The Bach is totally not only interested in looks alone, so he vows to give the special rose to the girl who “really went for it” during the show. Marshana (the Token Black Woman) thinks she has an edge because she’s won beauty pageants, while Noelle modeled in high school — I instantly kind of like Noelle because she indicates she didn’t really like modeling and that scores you points in my book. The rest of the girls are not to be dissuaded! Holly moonwalks! Kristine pulls her top off to reveal a gold bikini! Amanda juggles! Just kidding. After the whole runway fiasco, Matt takes the ladies to a penthouse for some champagne and various one-on-one time. A couple of the chicks sing. It’s painful. Marshana asks The Bach for his feelings on interracial dating and he assures her that it isn’t an issue (we’ll see if she makes it past the next elimination!). In the end he gives Ashlee, the “singer-songwriter” that squeezed a smooch of him, the single rose and she brags her face off about it, much to the other green-eyed ladies chagrin.

The second date for the remaining Bachelorettes is to the aforementioned casino. Robin is upset because she doesn’t know how to gamble (FYI, they are playing roulette, not craps or No Limit Hold ‘Em) and therefore doesn’t think she’ll win any one-on-one time. Shayne gets pissy and whiny because she bet all her money and lost and while she’s probably the prettiest one there, The Bach ain’t too fond of all that wah-wah crap. In the end Kelly wins the alone time, but Chelsea gets the rose because she’s double-jointed and can do crazy things with her tongue. Save it for the honeymoon sister! Shayne basically cries about it for a half hour.

Back at the house, before the next rose ceremony, the ladies are trying to get one last moment alone with The Bach so they can prove they deserve to stay. That means Marshana gives him a lap dance; Shayne tells Matt she cried over him and he says he “fancies the pants off of her”; Holly gives him butterfly kisses; and Carri sings “Porgy & Bess” in her operatic warble. Yeah, you didn’t know it, but The Bachelor is the place for rejected American Idol contestants. In the end, The Bach can only pick 10 and they are…Robin, Holly, Erin S., Amanda, Kelly, Amy, Kristine, Marshana (does this make her the longest surviving African-American bachelorette ever?), Noelle, and Shayne. That means Miss Porgy & Bess is going home to cry soprano tears, along with two others. Until next week… [ABC: The Bachelor]