Romance On TV: Will Lauren & Brody, Not To Mention Heidi’s Face, Ever Be The Same?

Whoa, The Hills in all its scripted glory, was awesome. It should always be an hour! The show, back for a mini-interim season, started off with Lauren and Whitney headed to Paris to help out Teen Vogue at the Crillon Ball, a fancy-schmancy debutante event for rich socialite kids. Within, like, seconds of landing at Charles de Gaulle Airport, Whitney and Lauren immediately start to slack off on their, you know, jobs by opting to pick up their ball gowns instead of running Teen Vogue errands, while Lauren finds out Brody has managed to find a girlfriend since she left L.A. Seriously, time moves fast in LC’s world. Back in L.A., Spencer is shedding a tear into his beer because Heidi has headed back to the homey, unpretentious Colorado town that managed to spit out her trashtastic, gossip-chasing self, in order to get some breathing room from their sad little relationship.

Oh yeah, let’s talk about Heidi. I have a theory that the entire “Heidi Goes Back To Crested Butte To Collect Her Thoughts”-portion of the episode was actually filmed way after Lauren and Whitney were in Paris, rather than at the same time. Why? Because Heidi is sporting some rather fresh-looking facial plastic surgery and I didn’t spot that on her until a month and a half ago at the very earliest, whereas the Crillon Ball was atleast three months ago. My theory is that Heidi actually went to her hometown for post-op recovery and the producers of the show decided to work that into the storyline. All I know is that when last season ended and Heidi was walking out on Spencer and hopping on a plane, girlfriend’s nose was not that chiseled, her lips weren’t that plump, and her chin wasn’t so pointy. Also, Heidi and Spencer are both bad actors, so the scene where she gives him crap over dinner with her parents was straight out of something my freshman acting class would have put out, only not as polished. In the end, Heidi tells Spencer she wants him to move out and for the briefest of seconds I feel sorry for him because she is just such a tightly-botoxed turd. And then I remember that he is too. On a side note, Spencer’s sister Stephanie is suddenly way cooler.

Back to Lauren. She’s naturally pissed that Brody managed to replace her so quickly, so she and Whitney cruise the Paris nightlife with a bunch of dudes from a band called Rock ‘N’ Roll. One of them, Matthias, is totally supposed to be your typical Frenchie, but instead of finding him sleazy, I found my heart betraying Brody and getting a little quick for the mustached, ciggie-smoking hottie. Mais oui! Anyway, Lauren continues to prove that she has the work ethic of a sloth, deciding to wear her Crillon ball gown out on the town. The next morning she discovers that the Alberta Ferretti dress (on loan and worth atleast a couple thousand Euros) has been burnt by her curling iron. Wah! Not to worry — vaguely driven Whitney rescues the hapless heroine by calling in another dress for LC.

Once the two of them work the equivilant amount of time that it takes me to write this post, Lauren hops on the back of a Vespa, in the freezing rain, in her dress, in order to go on a midnight spin around Paris with ol’ Frenchie. Isn’t it romantic? [MTV: The Hills] [All Photos Courtesy of]