This is how devoted I am to The Frisky — I am actually going to watch the bajillionth season of The Bachelor and recap each week’s totally painful episode. Just kidding! Seriously, I’m psyched, I love “The Bach” — what an effing trainwreck. This season, the big man is a British moneybags named Matt Grant and I must admit, unlike the last few dorks they’ve had on the show, he’s kind of hot and seems pretty smart and dapper and jolly (you know, British). Obviously, the dude is just trying to get my hopes up that he’ll actually pick the smart, interesting, funny girl in the end, not the bimbo, but I think we all know he’ll probs let me down.Okay, now for the fun part — the women. A-MAZING job this year, casting department! There are some real winners — Stacey, who was handsy the second she saw The Bach, thought it would be a genius idea to get wasted and give him her panties; Holly, who had positively hateful hair not to mention a chronic hiccup problem; Carri, the “Church Marketing Representative” who takes a bite out of a beer can to impress The Bach; and Ashlee, the singer-songwriter who busts out the warbles in her effort to win over Matt. Then, of course, there is the token black woman, Marshana (also Miss Earth New York), who showed up wearing an Indian sari (will she suffer the same fate as the virgin in a horror movie?!); the token conservative, Denise, who worked for President Bush and Karl Rove; and, holy crap, Lorenzo Lamas’ daughter, Shayne, an actress who swears she’s not on the show to advance her career.
In the end, The Bach gives roses to Chelsea, Shayne, Michelle P., Marshana, Ashlee, Noelle, Erin S., Amy, Carri, Kristine, Robin, Kelly, Holly, and Erin H. who were all pretty decent in our book. Except for Shayne, who, seriously, seems about as dim as her dad is tan. [ABC: The Bachelor]