• Sex

Cosmo Wants You To Get On Top

Cosmopolitan’s articles can induce so much puke, sometimes I think the magazine is making me bulimic. The sex advice usually applies to girls who drink too much at frat parties or bored housewives who just can’t figure out their husband is gay, but this month there’s a gem that can put any woman on top of her game. How many times have you bent like a pretzel to impress your partner? Well, now it’s time for you to hump him with his knees to his chest. Ha! The Kama Sutra sex position of the week — with the least sexy name, The Erotic Accordion — is actually pretty hot. First step: Try to not get hungry for Mexican food when they call a penis a “hot tamale.” Step 2: Get your man fetal, but lying on his back. Step 3: Straddle him, then lower yourself down and start the low-ride. [WARNING: This thigh workout is not for the faint of Stairmaster.] Now, go make some beautiful accordion music together! [Cosmo]

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