Good Deed, Bad Girl

When I recently purged my closet and wanted to donate some of my things to charity, I went to the closest drop-off center, a Salvation Army (also one of world’s largest Christian organizations). The thing is, it’s hard to tell black trash bags apart and I accidentally donated some personal items…including my collection of handmade pasties. Oopsies! When I realized my mistake, I went back to reclaim the bag before a sweet old church lady exposed my tassel twirling sins. Lucky for me, a nice grandpa-like fellow volunteered to take me to look for my stuff and I thought I could manage to keep him from my sequined secrets. After a desperate dumpster dive, I found the bag, but it was strangely empty. “Ooooooh, that bag,” the man said, as if he never expected me to be the tart with the talented rack. “Yeah, some of the ladies found it yesterday and we threw the stuff out because, well…we wouldn’t put out that kind of item. After all, this is a place of God.” Blushing, I tried to recover by joking, “Oh, not even for women who want to entertain their husbands?” Apparently, that wasn’t his kind of entertainment….although he did recognize that they were pasties. So anyway, if you ever are donating clothing to your local S.A., just make sure the items are bigger than one-inch in diameter. [Salvation Army]