Romance On TV: Millionaire Matchmaker Recap

Last night’s Millionaire Matchmaker featured Brendan, a young (26!) New Jersey millionaire, and Robby, aka “The Roller Rapper,” who is 39 and just finished roller-skating across the country on what he calls his “Love Tour,” raising money for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.

Brendan comes all the way to LA to get Patti’s help finding a woman, and for his first date, Patti picks Charlene, a brunette, because she doesn’t want him to have his perfect date first (his ideal is Elisha Cuthbert). Charlene is indeed cute, but she gets squeamish when they go to a sushi restaurant and is unsure about eating oysters and shrimp — a total turnoff for Brendan. For his second date, Patti sets Brendan up with Carolyn, a southern girl who dreams of being an actress. They meet to go on a helicopter ride, and when Carolyn arrives in a strapless dress and a rhinestone choker (gag), Brendan says she looks great and he feels under-dressed. “Oh, hush,” Carolyn says, “I just put this on.” Yes, that’s a direct quote.

The Roller Rapper goes out with Dawn, a blonde who just happens to be learning how to roller-skate. The two seem to be a cute match, and Robby even invites her to be his date at the premiere of the film documenting his Love Tour. But after their second date he gets all angry and tells Patti he doesn’t want to be set up anymore. He doesn’t seem to like being told what to do.

This episode reinforced some possibly negative stereotypes about men — that gentlemen prefer blondes and that they lose interest quickly. For a show about matchmaking, The Millionaire Matchmaker never makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Mostly, I just watch the credits feeling like there are a lot of sleazy rich guys out there.

Now, for some memorable quotes from the episode:

  • “Flowers go a long way, and jewelry, need I say more? And vacations!” — Patti
  • “Women have to be sexually attracted, just like men.” — Patti
  • “As an actress, I’m all over the world. I just have to be real.” — “Actress” and prospective Millionaire’s Club member wearing a fuchsia dress
    (woman in fuchsia dress shows Patti her provocative dance moves)
    Patti: Were you a stripper at one point?
    (actress wearing fuchsia dress says she’s never been a stripper)
    Patti: I’m just saying, because you have a great body.”
  • “If my penis were doing the walking…it wouldn’t even get off the couch.” — Patti