I really enjoy having sex once I’m having it, but I don’t think I have much sex drive in general — I never am the one to initiate sex with my husband, even though he’d like me too. It just never occurs to me. Once he puts the moves on though, I’m all for it. Is there any way I can ramp up my sex drive so that I can be more spontaneously horny for him? — Half-Heartedly Lazy, San Diego, CA
Lack of sex drive in women is way more common than you think. Doctors estimate almost 43% of women suffer from a low libido, with psychological and physical factors to blame. Before you figure out how to become hornier for your man, you need to figure out why you’re not in the mood. Physically, factors that can decrease your sexual desire are alcoholism, anemia, and hormone deficiencies. Psychologically, women who tend to have a lack of sex drive can be depressed, stressed, or suffering from past sexual issues (such as rape) or childhood hang-ups.
If you think you might be suffering from any of these factors, make an appointment with your doctor so he can give you his recommendations. In the meantime, start thinking of different fantasies when you’re away from your husband (work, running errands, etc.), and treat yourself to something lacy and naughty (and expensive!). Then, schedule a time in your mind when you want to get busy. A lot of times women get more turned on when they know when they’re going to have sex. Spontaneity can be just as hot when it’s planned!